Features
Loneliness of the Senior Citizen
I need not pontificate on the pluses and minuses of getting old and being in the senior-most section of the profile of Sri Lanka’s population, age-wise. The oldies know it all; the middle aged are becoming aware; the young just don’t care, and good for them. One salutary saying to keep in mind came from the Buddha who proclaimed anicca vatta sankhara meaning ‘all conditioned things are impermanent’. The Buddha also proclaimed that the one sure certainty in life is death, preceded by ageing and often, illness. This is not negativity or pessimism; it is stark reality that all living beings are subject to. The sooner we realize the truth of this, the better adjusted do we become.
The new categorization of the different age groups of population goes thus:
“The Silent Generation also known as the Traditional Generation is the Western demographic cohort following the Greatest Generation and preceding the Baby Boomers.” The Silent Generation which is the group I have in mind when writing this piece is defined as people born from 1928 to 1945. Thus the age range is 78 to 95, give or take a couple of years in each limit. Next is the Baby Boomer Generation – born 1946-1964; Generation X – born 1965-1979; Millennials – born 1980-1994; and Generation Z – born 1995-2012.
People generally live longer now due to better health care and also thanks to their own efforts to keep going with quality of life assured, barring the disadvantages and limits advancing years bring on. Myriad bits of advice float around, transmitted by social media.
I mean to construct my article this Sunday around quotations garnered, and opining on them.
Separation
“Seniors whose friends have passed away or whose lives are severed from their families understand loneliness.“
Yes, that quote defines a major hazard of getting old. It’s now a constant hearing of this friend falling ill; that cousin diagnosed with a severe ailment; symptoms of Alzheimer’s being shown by a classmate; a schoolmate suffering depression. And the worst is the announcement of the death of relative or friend.
Another fairly recent hazard is having one’s children traveling overseas for higher education and then deciding to procure employment in the foreign land and settling down. Or finding taxes too severe as the latest reason is, and migrating to (hopefully) greener pastures. One cannot blame them. We parents are much more understanding and accommodating than our mothers were, I make bold to aver. My mother even pronounced (and believed) the fact that children were had and brought up to look after parents when they were old! My brother and I guffawed when Mother said this and in chorus protested: “But we did not ask to be born!” Mother was totally affronted; she felt our language was sacrilegious and expressed ingratitude and lack of filial responsibility.
How do present parents and those of a generation past react/reacted to a son or daughter deciding to settle down overseas? We were complacent and sincerely glad they would lead the life they wanted to lead, and it would be better. From the 1980s onwards Sri Lanka was on a downward path and hence the constant migration of Sri Lankan youth overseas. There was almost an exodus of youth with the JVP causing chaos in the country and universities being closed in the second half of the 1980s. Some parents followed their children, but most opted to stay back in this country of birth and growing up; comforted by extended family and friends and spiritually inspired in an enveloping aura of religiousness, felt whatever one’s religion was.
However, loneliness resulted; compensated for by unselfishness and the joy of one’s children doing well. Foreign money sent is admittedly a material compensation; muditha (altruistic joy in other’s wellbeing) an emotional comfort.
Loneliness
“Loneliness could be even considered a hallmark of ageing – if we let it grab us.”
The quote above is of paramount importance to us oldies now categorized as the Silent / Traditional Generation. Loneliness is inevitable, particularly as dusk descends with nightfall imminent, and when alone at home. Some resort to telephone conversations, many to the TV and a few to a practice which is of permanent value unlike the diversions mentioned above and others ephemeral. I mean here meditation, and I do not identify Buddhists since anyone can meditate – meditation is not the preserve of the Buddhist nor is it a practice given us by the Buddha. Gautama Siddhartha practiced bhavana which was prevalent in Hindu India from ages previous. The Buddha’s innovation was vipassana meditation. When one is lonely, the remedy is samatha meditation which calms and ultimately brings joy.
As the quote specifies, loneliness will enmesh us – the older – if we do not resist it and keep it at bay. If we are strong in determination and willful, we can avoid loneliness. And most mercifully there are religious leaders – bhikkhus, bhikkhunis and church and kovil padres and leaders to help us. Then we have friends and relatives including those of younger generations. And more recently many organizations that target helping the elderly with weekly club days, organized indoor games, social gatherings et al.
The quotation relevant here is another saying of the Buddha: “Apply yourself to solitude. One who does so will see things as they are.” Yes, accepting reality is the key to keeping loneliness at bay. It is so easy to let it overcome us. One or two friends just gave up after their spouses died. What followed was hopelessness and a longing for death. This attitude is condemned in Buddhism as being as negative and damaging as a desire for life and sensual pleasures.
Remedies to loneliness
The quote I select here is “We know that without food we would die. Without fellowship life is not worth living.” As stark as that. And true too. Friends, meeting up, sharing a meal together, even a gossip session are self-motivated and made antidotes to being miserable all alone. Telephoning or free of cost WhatsApp-ing are good but better it is to actually meet. One group of friends and I meet over lunch on a bring and share basis – reduces cost to the hostess in these times of soaring COLs.
Many organizations target the elderly in their programmes. Old Girls Associations of schools do this; also groups of volunteers who organize weekly half or full day gatherings of over 60s or 70s and have them met, greet and play games, the most popular being Scrabble. A friend who is in her mid-90s is one such organizer/facilitator.
Armchair yoga has entered the scene bringing immense benefit to the elderly. Some are sex-mixed so marrieds can exercise together. Not only is deep breathing insisted upon and muscles and tendons strengthened, but the mind too is engaged. Equally effective and uplifting is the camaraderie shared with like-aged persons. Companionship, sometimes interspersed with bone creaks and gasps, most assuredly banishes loneliness.
A major plus point for the older person in Sri Lanka, whether rural or urban, rich or poor, is the love support of the extended family.
Features
The challenge of keeping value-based politics alive
The current outbreak of anti-immigrant protests in Durban, South Africa is bound to have taken many a subscriber to value-based politics or political idealism quite by surprise. After all, this is evidence that despite the historic accomplishments of nation-builders of the stature of the late President Nelson Mandela it cannot be taken for granted that identity politics, including racism in its worst forms, is no more in South Africa.
At the time of this writing details are scarce on the substantive root causes of the protests but it could very well be that economic grievances, particularly on the part of the majority community in South Africa, are contributing considerably to the disaffection. Shrinking employment and material prospects are likely to figure majorly among the factors igniting the unrest.
Fortunately, the local authorities in Durban are losing no time in calling for peaceful co-existence among the relevant communities and are pointing to the vital importance of stepping-up national integration processes. Apparently, immigrants in sizable numbers from neighbouring countries are present in Durban. However, international TV footage of the protests quoted some local authorities as saying that the majority of the immigrants in some centres that housed them were not illegal migrants and had the documents that entitle them to be in Durban.
In the Durban protests the world has fresh proof of the socially divisive consequences of the gathering globe-wide economic disaffection, touched off particularly by the continuing crisis in West Asia. Going ahead, the world would need to brace for increasing identity-based unrest of the kind it is just witnessing in South Africa.
Considering that the material lot of ordinary people everywhere could only aggravate progressively, with the US and Iran showing no signs of negotiating an end to their confrontation any time soon, it will be left to the more democratic and progressive sections of the world community to initiate positive measures collectively to bring a measure of relief to the discontented.
The swiftness with which such relief will be provided would depend crucially on the importance those sections taking up these undertakings attach to value-based politics as opposed to Realpolitik of power politics.
Going by these yardsticks, Italy could be considered to be moving in the right direction. Recently Italy came to the fore in initiating the collective named, ‘Rome Coalition for Food Security and Access to Fertilizer’, which has as one of its aims the swift provision of fertilizer to economically weak African countries.
In a recent statement Italian Minister of Foreign Affairs and International Cooperation, Antonio Tajani, said that a principal aim of the project was to ensure that the farmers of Africa gained easy access to fertilizer, considering that food security is a growing concern among some of Africa’s economically vulnerable countries.
The statement went on to mention that some 30 countries hailing from the Mediterranean region, the Middle East, the Balkans as well as the FAO had been invited to join the coalition. The venture is far-seeing in that food security is main among the reasons for social discontent which in turn could degenerate into endemic political turmoil and bloodshed. Separatist violence and geographical fragmentation of countries wouldn’t be too far behind these developments, as Africa itself has often proved.
It is hoped that more G7 countries would take the cue from Italy and do what they could to ease the hardships of economically distressed countries, particularly of the global South. In these efforts they would need to break rank with the US, which is today brutally indifferent to the consequences of its policy of making ‘America First’, come what may.
Going by current developments, the Trump administration seems to be blithely oblivious to the wider, deleterious effects of its policy course in West Asia. Besides rendering Iran militarily and otherwise impotent nothing else seems to matter to Washington, as regards West Asia. This is policy short-sightedness of an extreme kind. After all, right now West Asia could be said to be sitting on the proverbial powder keg.
On the other hand, Iran is not giving the world the impression that it is doing anything constructive to get out of the policy straitjacket that it wove for itself decades ago. Rather than enter into a policy of ‘live and let live’ in relation to Israel in particular and initiate a process of reconciliation with the latter, it has chosen to operate within policy parameters that continue to damn Israel. This has put Israel always on the ‘defensive’ so to speak and prevented the opening up of space for meaningful dialogue.
That said, Israel is obliged to explore the possibilities of entering into a negotiatory process with the Arab-Islamic world that could lead to a de-escalation of tensions and bloodshed. It cannot continue to look at its neighbours through lenses that distort them as archetypal enemies who should be ‘wiped off completely from the face of the earth.’
In other words, the need is urgent for Realpolitik to give way to value-based politicks. Italy is beginning to prove that the latter approach could be pursued with some success. May be the EU and the UK could throw their weight behind these initiatives as well and establish that international politics could be refashioned on the basis of humane, civilized norms. The UN would need to be fully supportive of these moves and prove an organizational nucleus of the operations that follow.
In fact the time is ripe for people of conscience to collectively stand up on the side of peace and say ‘No’ to war and violence. Organizations such as the ICRC, the WHO and Medicines Sans Frontiers have already taken up this call. Referring to the widespread destruction of health facilities and their dehumanizing results these organizations have said, among other things, that ‘This is not a failure of the law. It is a failure of political will.’
True, ‘failure of political will’ among those powers that matter accounts for the runaway, uncontrollable nature of war and destruction in contemporary times, but more fundamentally it is a failure of the human conscience. It could very well be that the phenomenal levels to which violence and war have been unleashed today have had the effect of deadening consciences. This is a matter for urgent study and wide discussion.
Features
Vesak celebrations … with Cuteefly
I would describe Indunil Kaushalya Dissanayaka as innovative and creative, and she operates under the name of Cuteefly.
Indunil always comes up with something novel to celebrate special occasions, and she does it with candles … and that’s her profession.
She was in the spotlight when she created a happening scene, with candles, for Christmas, Sinhala and Tamil New Year, and Valentine’s Day.
As lanterns light up Sri Lanka for Vesak, the Colombo-based candle maker is quietly turning wax and wick into little pieces of the festival.

Candles reflecting Vesak themes
Her candles reflect Vesak themes – light, peace, remembrance, giving, etc., to enable you to fill your Vesak celebration with devotion and beauty.
Among her Vesak creations is a lotus-shaped soy candle, scented with sandalwood, lavender, etc., meant to burn during this Vesak Poya Day.

Indunil Kaushalya Dissanayaka: Customers
praise her for her creativity
These handcrafted Vesak candles are perfect for offering at the temple, she says.
What makes her creations so novel is that they come in different shapes, scents, themes, and all are handmade.
What’s more, her customers have heaped praise on her for her creativity.
According to Indunil, her creations are perfect as a thoughtful gift … to bring beauty, unity, and light into every moment.
Says Indunil: “Our beautifully handcrafted Unity candles are designed with premium detail and love, making them perfect for celebrations, gifts, and meaningful occasions.”
Cuteefly, says Indunil, is available online.
Readers could contact Indunil on 0778506066 for more details.
He Facebook Page is: Cuteefly.

Handmade with love
Features
Dark Spots …
Yes, dark spots do crop up on the skin, especially with sun exposure and, of course, as the skin ages.
However, these tips should be of immense benefit to those who are faced with dark spots.
* Lemon and Honey Glow Mask:
You will need 01 teaspoon lemon juice and 01 teaspoon honey.
Mix the lemon juice and honey well and then apply this mixture, only on the dark spots.
Leave for 10–15 minutes and then rinse with cool water.
Benefits:
Lemon helps brighten pigmentation.
Honey moisturises and heals skin.
Gives a natural glow.
* Aloe Vera Gel Treatment:
All you need is fresh aloe vera gel.
Apply the gel apply on dark spots, before going to bed.
Leave overnight and wash in the morning.
Benefits:
Reduces acne marks and pigmentation.
Soothes irritated skin.
Helps skin repair naturally.
* Turmeric and Yoghurt Paste:
You will need 01 teaspoon yoghurt and a pinch of turmeric
Mix the yoghurt and turmeric into a smooth paste and apply on affected areas.
Leave for 15 minutes and then wash gently with lukewarm water.
Benefits:
Turmeric brightens skin naturally.
Yoghurt removes dead skin cells.
Helps fade dark spots gradually.
Use these packs 02-03 times a week as results are generally seen over time.
You can also try this out: Mix a ripe papaya into a smooth paste and apply to the face, or directly on to the dark spots. Leave for 15-20 minutes and then wash with lukewarm water.
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