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Loneliness of the Senior Citizen

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I need not pontificate on the pluses and minuses of getting old and being in the senior-most section of the profile of Sri Lanka’s population, age-wise. The oldies know it all; the middle aged are becoming aware; the young just don’t care, and good for them. One salutary saying to keep in mind came from the Buddha who proclaimed anicca vatta sankhara meaning ‘all conditioned things are impermanent’. The Buddha also proclaimed that the one sure certainty in life is death, preceded by ageing and often, illness. This is not negativity or pessimism; it is stark reality that all living beings are subject to. The sooner we realize the truth of this, the better adjusted do we become.

The new categorization of the different age groups of population goes thus:

“The Silent Generation also known as the Traditional Generation is the Western demographic cohort following the Greatest Generation and preceding the Baby Boomers.” The Silent Generation which is the group I have in mind when writing this piece is defined as people born from 1928 to 1945. Thus the age range is 78 to 95, give or take a couple of years in each limit. Next is the Baby Boomer Generation – born 1946-1964; Generation X – born 1965-1979; Millennials – born 1980-1994; and Generation Z – born 1995-2012.

People generally live longer now due to better health care and also thanks to their own efforts to keep going with quality of life assured, barring the disadvantages and limits advancing years bring on. Myriad bits of advice float around, transmitted by social media.

I mean to construct my article this Sunday around quotations garnered, and opining on them.

Separation

Seniors whose friends have passed away or whose lives are severed from their families understand loneliness.

Yes, that quote defines a major hazard of getting old. It’s now a constant hearing of this friend falling ill; that cousin diagnosed with a severe ailment; symptoms of Alzheimer’s being shown by a classmate; a schoolmate suffering depression. And the worst is the announcement of the death of relative or friend.

Another fairly recent hazard is having one’s children traveling overseas for higher education and then deciding to procure employment in the foreign land and settling down. Or finding taxes too severe as the latest reason is, and migrating to (hopefully) greener pastures. One cannot blame them. We parents are much more understanding and accommodating than our mothers were, I make bold to aver. My mother even pronounced (and believed) the fact that children were had and brought up to look after parents when they were old! My brother and I guffawed when Mother said this and in chorus protested: “But we did not ask to be born!” Mother was totally affronted; she felt our language was sacrilegious and expressed ingratitude and lack of filial responsibility.

How do present parents and those of a generation past react/reacted to a son or daughter deciding to settle down overseas? We were complacent and sincerely glad they would lead the life they wanted to lead, and it would be better. From the 1980s onwards Sri Lanka was on a downward path and hence the constant migration of Sri Lankan youth overseas. There was almost an exodus of youth with the JVP causing chaos in the country and universities being closed in the second half of the 1980s. Some parents followed their children, but most opted to stay back in this country of birth and growing up; comforted by extended family and friends and spiritually inspired in an enveloping aura of religiousness, felt whatever one’s religion was.

However, loneliness resulted; compensated for by unselfishness and the joy of one’s children doing well. Foreign money sent is admittedly a material compensation; muditha (altruistic joy in other’s wellbeing) an emotional comfort.

Loneliness

“Loneliness could be even considered a hallmark of ageing – if we let it grab us.”

The quote above is of paramount importance to us oldies now categorized as the Silent / Traditional Generation. Loneliness is inevitable, particularly as dusk descends with nightfall imminent, and when alone at home. Some resort to telephone conversations, many to the TV and a few to a practice which is of permanent value unlike the diversions mentioned above and others ephemeral. I mean here meditation, and I do not identify Buddhists since anyone can meditate – meditation is not the preserve of the Buddhist nor is it a practice given us by the Buddha. Gautama Siddhartha practiced bhavana which was prevalent in Hindu India from ages previous. The Buddha’s innovation was vipassana meditation. When one is lonely, the remedy is samatha meditation which calms and ultimately brings joy.

As the quote specifies, loneliness will enmesh us – the older – if we do not resist it and keep it at bay. If we are strong in determination and willful, we can avoid loneliness. And most mercifully there are religious leaders – bhikkhus, bhikkhunis and church and kovil padres and leaders to help us. Then we have friends and relatives including those of younger generations. And more recently many organizations that target helping the elderly with weekly club days, organized indoor games, social gatherings et al.

The quotation relevant here is another saying of the Buddha: “Apply yourself to solitude. One who does so will see things as they are.” Yes, accepting reality is the key to keeping loneliness at bay. It is so easy to let it overcome us. One or two friends just gave up after their spouses died. What followed was hopelessness and a longing for death. This attitude is condemned in Buddhism as being as negative and damaging as a desire for life and sensual pleasures.

Remedies to loneliness

The quote I select here is “We know that without food we would die. Without fellowship life is not worth living.” As stark as that. And true too. Friends, meeting up, sharing a meal together, even a gossip session are self-motivated and made antidotes to being miserable all alone. Telephoning or free of cost WhatsApp-ing are good but better it is to actually meet. One group of friends and I meet over lunch on a bring and share basis – reduces cost to the hostess in these times of soaring COLs.

Many organizations target the elderly in their programmes. Old Girls Associations of schools do this; also groups of volunteers who organize weekly half or full day gatherings of over 60s or 70s and have them met, greet and play games, the most popular being Scrabble. A friend who is in her mid-90s is one such organizer/facilitator.

Armchair yoga has entered the scene bringing immense benefit to the elderly. Some are sex-mixed so marrieds can exercise together. Not only is deep breathing insisted upon and muscles and tendons strengthened, but the mind too is engaged. Equally effective and uplifting is the camaraderie shared with like-aged persons. Companionship, sometimes interspersed with bone creaks and gasps, most assuredly banishes loneliness.

A major plus point for the older person in Sri Lanka, whether rural or urban, rich or poor, is the love support of the extended family.



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US’ drastic aid cut to UN poses moral challenge to world

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An UN humanitarian mission in the Gaza. [File: Ashraf Amra/Anadolu Agency]

‘Adapt, shrink or die’ – thus runs the warning issued by the Trump administration to UN humanitarian agencies with brute insensitivity in the wake of its recent decision to drastically reduce to $2bn its humanitarian aid to the UN system. This is a substantial climb down from the $17bn the US usually provided to the UN for its humanitarian operations.

Considering that the US has hitherto been the UN’s biggest aid provider, it need hardly be said that the US decision would pose a daunting challenge to the UN’s humanitarian operations around the world. This would indeed mean that, among other things, people living in poverty and stifling material hardships, in particularly the Southern hemisphere, could dramatically increase. Coming on top of the US decision to bring to an end USAID operations, the poor of the world could be said to have been left to their devices as a consequence of these morally insensitive policy rethinks of the Trump administration.

Earlier, the UN had warned that it would be compelled to reduce its aid programs in the face of ‘the deepest funding cuts ever.’ In fact the UN is on record as requesting the world for $23bn for its 2026 aid operations.

If this UN appeal happens to go unheeded, the possibilities are that the UN would not be in a position to uphold the status it has hitherto held as the world’s foremost humanitarian aid provider. It would not be incorrect to state that a substantial part of the rationale for the UN’s existence could come in for questioning if its humanitarian identity is thus eroded.

Inherent in these developments is a challenge for those sections of the international community that wish to stand up and be counted as humanists and the ‘Conscience of the World.’ A responsibility is cast on them to not only keep the UN system going but to also ensure its increased efficiency as a humanitarian aid provider to particularly the poorest of the poor.

It is unfortunate that the US is increasingly opting for a position of international isolation. Such a policy position was adopted by it in the decades leading to World War Two and the consequences for the world as a result for this policy posture were most disquieting. For instance, it opened the door to the flourishing of dictatorial regimes in the West, such as that led by Adolph Hitler in Germany, which nearly paved the way for the subjugation of a good part of Europe by the Nazis.

If the US had not intervened militarily in the war on the side of the Allies, the West would have faced the distressing prospect of coming under the sway of the Nazis and as a result earned indefinite political and military repression. By entering World War Two the US helped to ward off these bleak outcomes and indeed helped the major democracies of Western Europe to hold their own and thrive against fascism and dictatorial rule.

Republican administrations in the US in particular have not proved the greatest defenders of democratic rule the world over, but by helping to keep the international power balance in favour of democracy and fundamental human rights they could keep under a tight leash fascism and linked anti-democratic forces even in contemporary times. Russia’s invasion and continued occupation of parts of Ukraine reminds us starkly that the democracy versus fascism battle is far from over.

Right now, the US needs to remain on the side of the rest of the West very firmly, lest fascism enjoys another unfettered lease of life through the absence of countervailing and substantial military and political power.

However, by reducing its financial support for the UN and backing away from sustaining its humanitarian programs the world over the US could be laying the ground work for an aggravation of poverty in the South in particular and its accompaniments, such as, political repression, runaway social discontent and anarchy.

What should not go unnoticed by the US is the fact that peace and social stability in the South and the flourishing of the same conditions in the global North are symbiotically linked, although not so apparent at first blush. For instance, if illegal migration from the South to the US is a major problem for the US today, it is because poor countries are not receiving development assistance from the UN system to the required degree. Such deprivation on the part of the South leads to aggravating social discontent in the latter and consequences such as illegal migratory movements from South to North.

Accordingly, it will be in the North’s best interests to ensure that the South is not deprived of sustained development assistance since the latter is an essential condition for social contentment and stable governance, which factors in turn would guard against the emergence of phenomena such as illegal migration.

Meanwhile, democratic sections of the rest of the world in particular need to consider it a matter of conscience to ensure the sustenance and flourishing of the UN system. To be sure, the UN system is considerably flawed but at present it could be called the most equitable and fair among international development organizations and the most far-flung one. Without it world poverty would have proved unmanageable along with the ills that come along with it.

Dehumanizing poverty is an indictment on humanity. It stands to reason that the world community should rally round the UN and ensure its survival lest the abomination which is poverty flourishes. In this undertaking the world needs to stand united. Ambiguities on this score could be self-defeating for the world community.

For example, all groupings of countries that could demonstrate economic muscle need to figure prominently in this initiative. One such grouping is BRICS. Inasmuch as the US and the West should shrug aside Realpolitik considerations in this enterprise, the same goes for organizations such as BRICS.

The arrival at the above international consensus would be greatly facilitated by stepped up dialogue among states on the continued importance of the UN system. Fresh efforts to speed-up UN reform would prove major catalysts in bringing about these positive changes as well. Also requiring to be shunned is the blind pursuit of narrow national interests.

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Egg white scene …

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Hi! Great to be back after my Christmas break.

Thought of starting this week with egg white.

Yes, eggs are brimming with nutrients beneficial for your overall health and wellness, but did you know that eggs, especially the whites, are excellent for your complexion?

OK, if you have no idea about how to use egg whites for your face, read on.

Egg White, Lemon, Honey:

Separate the yolk from the egg white and add about a teaspoon of freshly squeezed lemon juice and about one and a half teaspoons of organic honey. Whisk all the ingredients together until they are mixed well.

Apply this mixture to your face and allow it to rest for about 15 minutes before cleansing your face with a gentle face wash.

Don’t forget to apply your favourite moisturiser, after using this face mask, to help seal in all the goodness.

Egg White, Avocado:

In a clean mixing bowl, start by mashing the avocado, until it turns into a soft, lump-free paste, and then add the whites of one egg, a teaspoon of yoghurt and mix everything together until it looks like a creamy paste.

Apply this mixture all over your face and neck area, and leave it on for about 20 to 30 minutes before washing it off with cold water and a gentle face wash.

Egg White, Cucumber, Yoghurt:

In a bowl, add one egg white, one teaspoon each of yoghurt, fresh cucumber juice and organic honey. Mix all the ingredients together until it forms a thick paste.

Apply this paste all over your face and neck area and leave it on for at least 20 minutes and then gently rinse off this face mask with lukewarm water and immediately follow it up with a gentle and nourishing moisturiser.

Egg White, Aloe Vera, Castor Oil:

To the egg white, add about a teaspoon each of aloe vera gel and castor oil and then mix all the ingredients together and apply it all over your face and neck area in a thin, even layer.

Leave it on for about 20 minutes and wash it off with a gentle face wash and some cold water. Follow it up with your favourite moisturiser.

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Confusion cropping up with Ne-Yo in the spotlight

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Ne-Yo: His management should clarify the last-minute cancellation

Superlatives galore were used, especially on social media, to highlight R&B singer Ne-Yo’s trip to Sri Lanka: Global superstar Ne-Yo to perform live in Colombo this December; Ne-Yo concert puts Sri Lanka back on the global entertainment map; A global music sensation is coming to Sri Lanka … and there were lots more!

At an official press conference, held at a five-star venue, in Colombo, it was indicated that the gathering marked a defining moment for Sri Lanka’s entertainment industry as international R&B powerhouse and three-time Grammy Award winner Ne-Yo prepares to take the stage in Colombo this December.

What’s more, the occasion was graced by the presence of Sunil Kumara Gamage, Minister of Sports & Youth Affairs of Sri Lanka, and Professor Ruwan Ranasinghe, Deputy Minister of Tourism, alongside distinguished dignitaries, sponsors, and members of the media.

Shah Rukh Khan: Disappointed his fans in Sri Lanka

According to reports, the concert had received the official endorsement of the Sri Lanka Tourism Promotion Bureau, recognising it as a flagship initiative in developing the country’s concert economy by attracting fans, and media, from all over South Asia.

Nick Carter: His concert, too, was cancelled due to “Unforeseen circumstances

However, I had that strange feeling that this concert would not become a reality, keeping in mind what happened to Nick Carter’s Colombo concert – cancelled at the very last moment.

Carter issued a video message announcing he had to return to the USA due to “unforeseen circumstances” and a “family emergency”.

Though “unforeseen circumstances” was the official reason provided by Carter and the local organisers, there was speculation that low ticket sales may also have been a factor in the cancellation.

Well, “Unforeseen Circumstances” has cropped up again!

In a brief statement, via social media, the organisers of the Ne-Yo concert said the decision was taken due to “unforeseen circumstances and factors beyond their control.”

Ne-Yo, too, subsequently made an announcement, citing “Unforeseen circumstances.”

The public has a right to know what these “unforeseen circumstances” are, and who is to be blamed – the organisers or Ne-Yo!

Ne-Yo’s management certainly need to come out with the truth.

However, those who are aware of some of the happenings in the setup here put it down to poor ticket sales, mentioning that the tickets for the concert, and a meet-and-greet event, were exorbitantly high, considering that Ne-Yo is not a current mega star.

We also had a cancellation coming our way from Shah Rukh Khan, who was scheduled to visit Sri Lanka for the City of Dreams resort launch, and then this was received: “Unfortunately due to unforeseen personal reasons beyond his control, Mr. Khan is no longer able to attend.”

Referring to this kind of mess up, a leading showbiz personality said that it will only make people reluctant to buy their tickets, online.

“Tickets will go mostly at the gate and it will be very bad for the industry,” he added.

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