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Filial piety in Buddhism

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By Dr. Justice Chandradasa Nanayakkara

Society consists of network of relationships which are mutually interdependent and interrelated. According to Sigalavoda Sutta the society is sustained by a network of interlocking relationships such as the relationship of parents and child, teacher and pupil, employer and employee and husband and wife etc. Members in these relationships are expected to fulfill their reciprocal duties and responsibilities in a spirit of kindness and sympathy. In the strong web of relationships, parents and child relationship is considered the most fundamental as it nurtures the physical emotional and social development of the child. Moreover, filial piety displayed by children towards their parents in the context of parents and child relationship is seen as the basis for an orderly harmonious society.

Filial piety and providing care for aging parents is not only considered a central virtue in many religions it was also deeply rooted and ingrained in many Asian cultures including Lankan. Traditional filial piety emphasises compliance, courtesy, manners and support to one’s parents and

Children are deeply indebted to their parents. When a child is born it is unable to live even for a few days unassisted. It is the parents who look after and nurse him by providing him all the necessary care and attention until the child is grown up and is in a position to live without the help of others. The love and affection of parents towards their children is indescribable and boundless. Parents do everything within their power in the interests of their children. They spend sleepless nights and keep vigil at the bedside of their ailing children when they are afflicted with illnesses. Parents are even prepared to spend their entire wealth by forgoing their own comfort for the sake of their children. They wish to see their children prosper and live happily. When children are worried and sad, parents too are distressed and sad. Parents never stop worrying about their children even when they are all grown up have children of their own. Such is the parental love towards their children. It is self-sacrificing and selfless. No superior can equal parents not even any devas. They can be likened to God in human form. Their unconditional love cannot be found anywhere else in the universe.

Children learn various lessons under various teachers during their formative years, but the most important lessons such as how to talk, how to eat, how to clean themselves and how conduct themselves learn from their parents, for this reason, parents are known as first teachers (Braham and Pubbachariya).

In bringing up children parents apply essential meditation practices of Four Immeasurable minds (Brahma Vihara). Four immeasurables are Loving Kindness (Metta). Compassion (Karuna). Sympathetic Joy (Muditha), and Equanimity (Uppekka). Parents maintain these four excellent qualities towards their children at all times from the moment a child is conceived. Lord Buddha advised his adherents to honour their parents as Brahma Supreme God as parents have done much for their children.

The Buddha explained the greatness of parents thus. “Monks, Brahma is a term for mother and father. “worthy of offerings”. Because mother and father do much for their children, they bring them up, nourish them and introduce them to the world.”

When the Buddha was questioned as to who could be considered as the God. Buddha replied, “let your father and your mother be your Gods.”In the Katannu Suttas of Anguttara Nikaya, the Buddha said there were two persons whom men could not easily repay. They are your parents, even if you were to carry your mother on one shoulder and your father on the other shoulder for hundred years, and were to minister to them in every possible way by anointing, massaging, bathing, rubbing their limbs cleaning them of their urine and excrement or even one was to establish parents in absolute sovereignty as universal monarch (chakka catti raja).you cannot repay them.” From this it is clear, parents are the most amazing people children can find around the world for all the sacrifices they have made for them.

The practice of filial piety is good karma in the moral teaching of buddhism. It teaches its followers to pay their debts to parents by supporting and respecting them, actions that are considered to be great meritorious deeds or wholesome kamma in Buddhist moral teachings. Sigalovada Sutta which deals with the code of conduct for laity while enumerating five duties that should be performed by parents towards their children sets out following five duties that should be done by children towards their parents as a form of filial love. 1. Children should support their parents as they have been supported by them. It is one of the paramount duties of children. They should obey them and not displease, ill-treat disrespect them in any manner. They should attend to their needs when they are sick. 2. Children should do necessary duties by the parents. Children should understand what are the requirements and necessities of their parents. 3. Children should uphold the family tradition and lineage. It is important duty of children to continue the good work started by the parents. 4. Children should act in such a way as to be worthy of their inheritance. Whatever legacy or property they receive from their parents should be protected. 5. Children should offer alms in honour of their departed relatives. It is a noble duty and custom to remember and revere parents after their death. According to Buddhist teaching matricide and patricide are considered two of the five gravest karma the consequence of which could rebound in this very life.

When the Buddha on one occasion bowed respectfully at a pile of bones, which was lying on his path Bhikku Ananda questioned him as to why he bowed at the pile of bones. Lord Buddha replying said “from an inscrutable beginning comes transmigration. A beginning point is not evident though beings hindered by ignorance and fettered by craving are transmigrating and wandering on. A being who had not been your mother at one time in the past is not easy to find, a being who had not been your father, your sister brother, your son and your daughter one time in the past is not easy to find. That is the reason why I bowed down.”

According to the Maha Mangala sutta, when deity from the celestial world requested the Lord Buddha to enumerate the great blessings that would lead to one’s success and welfare in the world, the Buddha while describing thirty-eight such blessings referred to support extended to one’s parents as a great blessing in following terms. Mata pittu Upatthanametam Mangalam uttam (supporting the mother and father is a great blessing).

In Dhammapada to the Buddha has disclosed being dutiful to one’s mother and father would bring happiness in this world (Sukka matteyya loke atho petteyyata suka). Which means “respect for one’s mother and father brings happiness.”

In Anguttara nikaya Buddha mentioned the ways how to repay love, kindness, and gratitude to one’s parents thus “Oh, Bhikkhus, whoever encourages their faithless parents and settles and establishes them in morality, or whoever encourages their stingy parents and settle and establishes them in generosity, or whoever encourages their foolish parents, and settles and establishes them in wisdom such a person, in this way repays, more than repays what is due to their parents.

Three types of children have been identified in the Buddhist scriptures, they are children who are inferior to their parents in every respect (avajatha). Children who are on the same level with their parents (anujatha) and lastly children who excel their parents in every way (atijatha). Parents would be happy if the children would surpass them and would be unhappy if they fall below their expected standard.

It is a matter of immense regret and grief that with the western influence, urbanisation and fragmentation of family life more and more adult children are becoming insensitive to their moral obligations and evading them. Even the adult children who are capable of caring and looking after their feeble aging parents are leaving them in old age homes and run away from their moral obligations. Many elderly parents suffer violence, neglect, isolation on a daily basis at the hands of their children. A large number of elderly parents live all alone. While some who live alone have taken a conscious decision to do so, many others do this because of lack of option. They have been isolated, neglected, hounded out of the houses built by them at their own expense and housed in old age homes, because they are victims of fast eroding social values at the hands of their own children and society at large. Traditional Sri Lankan society cared and respected the old age and the wisdom, abilities and confidence that came with it.

Along with the growing number of elderly citizens in the country abuse and neglect of aged parents is bound to become a widespread issue in our society. Most children do not realise the amount of affection and care their parents have extended to them. They must realise parental love far greater than filial love.

Old parents should not feel abandoned by adult children they raise. Children could see how the relentless and inevitable change of time has taken its toll on their parents and it should serve as a lesson for them right before their own eyes. We must treat our aging parents just as we hope to be treated in the future, and care giving should living example to their own children and grandchildren. In the past adult children with their life partners used to take care of their parents out of goodness of their heart, as abdication of care giving responsibility, unlike the western societies was considered culturally and morally unacceptable.

Time was when ageing parents were taken care of by their adult children. There was a moral obligation to make sure their aging parents were cared for. It was considered a tenet of filial piety.

Ageing parents usually undergo pangs of loneliness and boredom, and, therefore, need companionship. There is always a tendency for aging parents to develop a pessimistic approach to life, which can be avoided if the adult children provide them with abundant love, care and empathy. They expect their children to sit with and talk to them about the happenings of their life in calm in a cordial manner in their twilight years.

Parents consider children are a great comfort in their old age. Therefore, we must treat our old parents with loving care. It should be remembered that parents gave every moment of their happiness for our comfort and joy. They have cared for us ever since we were infants. We never know the sacrifices they went through for us. We should not despise or repulse and we should not look at them as a burden but speak to them humbly and graciously. It is regrettable today children forget that the foundation of their life was built by parents.

Our parents showed us the world and in return we should not show them old aged homes. We will only realise their value when they are gone and see their empty chairs. When our parents are old and cannot take care of themselves it is our duty to pay back their love, efforts by serving them in every possible way, even at the cost of personal sacrifice.

Adult children should realise that ageing is a continuous and irreversible process. Everyone undergoes this phase of life at his own time and pace.

We should bear in mind that life is a cycle and one day roles will be switched, ageing parents may need you now, but day will come when you need your children as you grow old. Old age has been referred to as the most delicate period of life, and it is the time parent’s health problems become more obvious. It is also the time they need loving care and affection as they become, physically, emotionally weak at this time. Therefore, it is of paramount importance that children should be mindful of heir filial duties and take care of their frail and aging parents.



Features

How Black Civil Rights leaders strengthen democracy in the US

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Jesse Jackson / Barack Obama

On being elected US President in 2008, Barack Obama famously stated: ‘Change has come to America’. Considering the questions continuing to grow out of the status of minority rights in particular in the US, this declaration by the former US President could come to be seen as somewhat premature by some. However, there could be no doubt that the election of Barack Obama to the US presidency proved that democracy in the US is to a considerable degree inclusive and accommodating.

If this were not so, Barack Obama, an Afro-American politician, would never have been elected President of the US. Obama was exceptionally capable, charismatic and eloquent but these qualities alone could not have paved the way for his victory. On careful reflection it could be said that the solid groundwork laid by indefatigable Black Civil Rights activists in the US of the likes of Martin Luther King (Jnr) and Jesse Jackson, who passed away just recently, went a great distance to enable Obama to come to power and that too for two terms. Obama is on record as owning to the profound influence these Civil Rights leaders had on his career.

The fact is that these Civil Rights activists and Obama himself spoke to the hearts and minds of most Americans and convinced them of the need for democratic inclusion in the US. They, in other words, made a convincing case for Black rights. Above all, their struggles were largely peaceful.

Their reasoning resonated well with the thinking sections of the US who saw them as subscribers to the Universal Declaration of Human Rights, for instance, which made a lucid case for mankind’s equal dignity. That is, ‘all human beings are equal in dignity.’

It may be recalled that Martin Luther King (Jnr.) famously declared: ‘I have a dream that one day this nation will rise up, live out the true meaning of its creed….We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal.’

Jesse Jackson vied unsuccessfully to be a Democratic Party presidential candidate twice but his energetic campaigns helped to raise public awareness about the injustices and material hardships suffered by the black community in particular. Obama, we now know, worked hard at grass roots level in the run-up to his election. This experience proved invaluable in his efforts to sensitize the public to the harsh realities of the depressed sections of US society.

Cynics are bound to retort on reading the foregoing that all the good work done by the political personalities in question has come to nought in the US; currently administered by Republican hard line President Donald Trump. Needless to say, minority communities are now no longer welcome in the US and migrants are coming to be seen as virtual outcasts who need to be ‘shown the door’ . All this seems to be happening in so short a while since the Democrats were voted out of office at the last presidential election.

However, the last US presidential election was not free of controversy and the lesson is far too easily forgotten that democratic development is a process that needs to be persisted with. In a vital sense it is ‘a journey’ that encounters huge ups and downs. More so why it must be judiciously steered and in the absence of such foresighted managing the democratic process could very well run aground and this misfortune is overtaking the US to a notable extent.

The onus is on the Democratic Party and other sections supportive of democracy to halt the US’ steady slide into authoritarianism and white supremacist rule. They would need to demonstrate the foresight, dexterity and resourcefulness of the Black leaders in focus. In the absence of such dynamic political activism, the steady decline of the US as a major democracy cannot be prevented.

From the foregoing some important foreign policy issues crop-up for the global South in particular. The US’ prowess as the ‘world’s mightiest democracy’ could be called in question at present but none could doubt the flexibility of its governance system. The system’s inclusivity and accommodative nature remains and the possibility could not be ruled out of the system throwing up another leader of the stature of Barack Obama who could to a great extent rally the US public behind him in the direction of democratic development. In the event of the latter happening, the US could come to experience a democratic rejuvenation.

The latter possibilities need to be borne in mind by politicians of the South in particular. The latter have come to inherit a legacy of Non-alignment and this will stand them in good stead; particularly if their countries are bankrupt and helpless, as is Sri Lanka’s lot currently. They cannot afford to take sides rigorously in the foreign relations sphere but Non-alignment should not come to mean for them an unreserved alliance with the major powers of the South, such as China. Nor could they come under the dictates of Russia. For, both these major powers that have been deferentially treated by the South over the decades are essentially authoritarian in nature and a blind tie-up with them would not be in the best interests of the South, going forward.

However, while the South should not ruffle its ties with the big powers of the South it would need to ensure that its ties with the democracies of the West in particular remain intact in a flourishing condition. This is what Non-alignment, correctly understood, advises.

Accordingly, considering the US’ democratic resilience and its intrinsic strengths, the South would do well to be on cordial terms with the US as well. A Black presidency in the US has after all proved that the US is not predestined, so to speak, to be a country for only the jingoistic whites. It could genuinely be an all-inclusive, accommodative democracy and by virtue of these characteristics could be an inspiration for the South.

However, political leaders of the South would need to consider their development options very judiciously. The ‘neo-liberal’ ideology of the West need not necessarily be adopted but central planning and equity could be brought to the forefront of their talks with Western financial institutions. Dexterity in diplomacy would prove vital.

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Grown: Rich remnants from two countries

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Mirissa (Image courtesy Wikivoyage)

Whispers of Lanka

I was born in a hamlet on the western edge of a tiny teacup bay named Mirissa on the South Coast of Sri Lanka. My childhood was very happy and secure. I played with my cousins and friends on the dusty village roads. We had a few toys to play with, so we always improvised our own games. On rainy days, the village roads became small rivulets on which we sailed paper boats. We could walk from someone’s backyard to another, and there were no fences. We had the freedom to explore the surrounding hills, valleys, and streams.

I was good at school and often helped my classmates with their lessons. I passed the General Certificate of Education (Ordinary Level) at the village school and went to Colombo to study for the General Certificate of Education (Advanced Level). However, I did not like Colombo, and every weekend I hurried back to the village. I was not particularly interested in my studies and struggled in specific subjects. But my teachers knew that I was intelligent and encouraged me to study hard.

To my amazement, I passed the Advanced Level, entered the University of Kelaniya, completed an honours degree in Economics, taught for a few months at a central college, became a lecturer at the same university, and later joined the Department of Census and Statistics as a statistician. Then I went to the University of Wales in the UK to study for an MSc.

The interactions with other international students in my study group, along with very positive recommendations from my professors, helped me secure several jobs in the oil-rich Middle Eastern countries, where I earned salaries unimaginable in Sri Lankan terms. During this period, without much thought, I entered a life focused on material possessions, social status, and excessive consumerism.

Life changes

Unfortunately, this comfortable, enjoyable life changed drastically in the mid-1980s because of the political activities of certain groups. Radicalised youths, brainwashed and empowered by the dynamics of vibrant leftist politics, killed political opponents as well as ordinary people who were reluctant to follow their orders. Their violent methods frightened a large section of Sri Lanka’s middle class into reluctantly accepting country-wide closures of schools, factories, businesses, and government offices.

My father’s generation felt a deep obligation to honour the sacrifices they had made to give us everything we had. There was a belief that you made it in life through your education, and that if you had to work hard, you did. Although I had never seriously considered emigration before, our sons’ education was paramount, and we left Sri Lanka.

Although there were regulations on what could be brought in, migrating to Sydney in the 1980s offered a more relaxed airport experience, with simpler security, a strong presence of airline staff, and a more formal atmosphere. As we were relocating permanently, a few weeks before our departure, we had organised a container to transport sentimental belongings from our home. Our flight baggage was minimal, which puzzled the customs officer, but he laughed when he saw another bulky item on a separate trolley. It was a large box containing a bookshelf purchased in Singapore. Upon discovering that a new migrant family was arriving in Australia with a 32-volume Encyclopaedia Britannica set weighing approximately 250 kilograms, he became cheerful, relaxed his jaw, and said, G’day!

Settling in Sydney

We settled in Epping, Sydney, and enrolled our sons in Epping Boys’ High School. Within one week of our arrival from Sri Lanka, we both found jobs: my wife in her usual accounting position in the private sector, and I was taken on by the Civil Aviation Authority (CAA). While working at the CAA, I sat the Australian Graduate Admission Test. I secured a graduate position with the Australian Bureau of Statistics (ABS) in Canberra, ACT.

We bought a house in Florey, close to my office in Belconnen. The roads near the house were eerily quiet. Back in my hometown of Pelawatta, outside Colombo, my life had a distinct soundtrack. I woke up every morning to the radios blasting ‘pirith’ from the nearby houses; the music of the bread delivery van announcing its arrival, an old man was muttering wild curses to someone while setting up his thambili cart near the junction, free-ranging ‘pariah’ dogs were barking at every moving thing and shadows. Even the wildlife was noisy- black crows gathered on the branches of the mango tree in front of the house to perform a mournful dirge in the morning.

Our Australian neighbours gave us good advice and guidance, and we gradually settled in. If one of the complaints about Asians is that they “won’t join in or integrate to the same degree as Australians do,”  this did not apply to us! We never attempted to become Aussies; that was impossible because we didn’t have tanned skin, hazel eyes, or blonde hair, but we did join in the Australian way of life. Having a beer with my next-door neighbour on the weekend and a biannual get-together with the residents of the lane became a routine. Walking or cycling ten kilometres around the Ginninderra Lake with a fit-fanatic of a neighbour was a weekly ritual that I rarely skipped.

Almost every year, early in the New Year, we went to the South Coast. My family and two of our best friends shared a rented house near the beach for a week. There’s not much to do except mix with lots of families with kids, dogs on the beach, lazy days in the sun with a barbecue and a couple of beers in the evening, watching golden sunsets. When you think about Australian summer holidays, that’s all you really need, and that’s all we had!

Caught between two cultures

We tried to hold on to our national tradition of warm hospitality by organising weekend meals with our friends. Enticed by the promise of my wife’s home-cooked feast, our Sri Lankan friends would congregate at our place. Each family would also bring a special dish of food to share. Our house would be crammed with my friends, their spouses and children, the sound of laughter and loud chatter – English mingled with Sinhala – and the aroma of spicy food.

We loved the togetherness, the feeling of never being alone, and the deep sense of belonging within the community. That doesn’t mean I had no regrets in my Australian lifestyle, no matter how trivial they may have seemed. I would have seen migration to another country only as a change of abode and employment, and I would rarely have expected it to bring about far greater changes to my psychological role and identity. In Sri Lanka, I have grown to maturity within a society with rigid demarcation lines between academic, professional, and other groups.

Furthermore, the transplantation from a patriarchal society where family bonds were essential to a culture where individual pursuit of happiness tended to undermine traditional values was a difficult one for me. While I struggled with my changing role, my sons quickly adopted the behaviour and aspirations of their Australian peers. A significant part of our sons’ challenges lay in their being the first generation of Sri Lankan-Australians.

The uniqueness of the responsibilities they discovered while growing up in Australia, and with their parents coming from another country, required them to play a linguistic mediator role, and we, as parents, had to play the cultural mediator role. They were more gregarious and adaptive than we were, and consequently, there was an instant, unrestrained immersion in cultural diversity and plurality.

Technology

They became articulate spokesmen for young Australians growing up in a world where information technology and transactions have become faster, more advanced, and much more widespread. My work in the ABS for nearly twenty years has followed cycles, from data collection, processing, quality assurance, and analysis to mapping, research, and publishing. As the work was mainly computer-based and required assessing and interrogating large datasets, I often had to depend heavily on in-house software developers and mainframe programmers.  Over that time, I have worked in several areas of the ABS, making a valuable contribution and gaining a wide range of experience in national accounting.

I immensely valued the unbiased nature of my work, in which the ABS strived to inform its readers without the influence of public opinion or government decisions. It made me proud to work for an organisation that had a high regard for quality, accuracy, and confidentiality. I’m not exaggerating, but it is one of the world’s best statistical organisations! I rubbed shoulders with the greatest statistical minds. The value of this experience was that it enabled me to secure many assignments in Vanuatu, Fiji, East Timor, Saudi Arabia, and the Solomon Islands through the World Bank and the International Monetary Fund after I left the ABS.

Living in Australia

Studying and living in Australia gave my sons ample opportunities to realise that their success depended not on acquiring material wealth but on building human capital. They discovered that it was the sum total of their skills embodied within them: education, intelligence, creativity, work experience and even the ability to play basketball and cricket competitively. They knew it was what they would be left with if someone stripped away all of their assets. So they did their best to pursue their careers on that path and achieve their life goals. Of course, the healthy Australian economy mattered too. As an economist said, “A strong economy did not transform a valet parking attendant into a professor. Investment in human capital did that.”

Nostalgia

After living in Australia for several decades, do I miss Sri Lanka? Which country deserves my preference, the one where I was born or the one to which I migrated? There is no single answer; it depends on opportunities, prospects, lifestyle, and family. Factors such as the cost of living, healthcare, climate, and culture also play significant roles in shaping this preference. Tradition in a slow-motion place like Sri Lanka is an ethical code based on honouring those who do things the same way you do, and dishonour those who don’t. However, in Australia, one has the freedom to express oneself, to debate openly, to hold unconventional views, to be more immune to peer pressure, and not to have one’s every action scrutinised and discussed.

For many years, I have navigated the challenges of cultural differences, conflicting values, and the constant negotiation of where I truly ‘belong.’ Instead of yearning for a ‘dream home’ where I once lived, I have struggled, and to some extent succeeded, to find a home where I live now. This does not mean I have forgotten or discarded my roots. As one Sri Lankan-Australian senior executive remarked, “I have not restricted myself to the box I came in… I was not the ethnicity, skin colour, or lack thereof, of the typical Australian… but that has been irrelevant to my ability to contribute to the things which are important to me and to the country adopted by me.”  Now, why do I live where I live – in that old house in Florey? I love the freshness of the air, away from the city smog, noisy traffic, and fumes. I enjoy walking in the evening along the tree-lined avenues and footpaths in my suburb, and occasionally I see a kangaroo hopping along the nature strip. I like the abundance of trees and birds singing at my back door. There are many species of birds in the area, but a common link with ours is the melodious warbling of resident magpies. My wife has been feeding them for several years, and we see the new fledglings every year.  At first light and in the evening, they walk up to the back door and sing for their meal. The magpie is an Australian icon, and I think its singing is one of the most melodious sounds in the suburban areas and even more so in the bush.

 by Siri Ipalawatte

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Big scene for models…

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Modelling has turned out to be a big scene here and now there are lots of opportunities for girls and boys to excel as models.

Of course, one can’t step onto the ramp without proper training, and training should be in the hands of those who are aware of what modelling is all about.

Rukmal Senanayake is very much in the news these days and his Model With Ruki – Model Academy & Agency – is responsible for bringing into the limelight, not only upcoming models but also contestants participating in beauty pageants, especially internationally.

On the 29th of January, this year, it was a vibrant scene at the Temple Trees Auditorium, in Colombo, when Rukmal introduced the Grey Goose Road To Future Model Hunt.

Tharaka Gurukanda … in
the scene with Rukmal

This is the second Model Hunt to be held in Sri Lanka; the first was in 2023, at Nelum Pokuna, where over 150 models were able to showcase their skills at one of the largest fashion ramps in Sri Lanka.

The concept was created by Rukmal Senanayake and co-founded by Tharaka Gurukanda.

Future Model Hunt, is the only Southeast Asian fashion show for upcoming models, and designers, to work along and create a career for their future.

The Grey Goose Road To Future Model Hunt, which showcased two segments, brought into the limelight several models, including students of Ruki’s Model Academy & Agency and those who are established as models.

An enthusiastic audience was kept spellbound by the happenings on the ramp.

Doing it differently

Four candidates were also crowned, at this prestigious event, and they will represent Sri Lanka at the respective international pageants.

Those who missed the Grey Goose Road To Future Model Hunt, held last month, can look forward to another exciting Future Model Hunt event, scheduled for the month of May, 2026, where, I’m told, over 150 models will walk the ramp, along with several designers.

It will be held at a prime location in Colombo with an audience count, expected to be over 2000.

Model With Ruki offers training for ramp modelling and beauty pageants and other professional modelling areas.

Their courses cover: Ramp walk techniques, Posture and grooming, Pose and expression, Runway etiquette, and Photo shoots and portfolio building,

They prepare models for local and international fashion events, shoots, and competitions and even send models abroad for various promotional events.

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