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Being single in your thirties shouldn’t make you feel guilty

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It is a truth universally acknowledged that a single woman in possession of ‘good’ moral character must be in search of a husband. That is, it was a truth rather universally echoed by a society hell-bent on maintaining the dubiously constructed integrity of its hetero-patriarchial power structure. Although the parameters of what is acceptable and what is embraced on a societal level have begun to show a little malleability, there is still an inherent rigidness when it comes to the idea of the single woman. A single woman is not merely thought to be undesired or unlovable but is also broadly and openly labelled a failure for not having been able to secure the all-important husband.

If I had a penny for every time I was subjected to an interrogation that aimed to investigate the root cause of my singleness, I would be a rich woman on a sun-drenched seashore and not a writer chasing invoices. And it is this wanton curiosity—from family, friends, loved ones and more than the occasional impertinent stranger—that offends me the most. Within South Asian circles especially, it is considered routine, if not entirely loving, to lambast a single woman for not having found a husband, and while it can sometimes adopt the desperately teasing lilt of a joke destined to fail, familial pressure only adds another voice to the already haunting chorus questioning your right to exist while single in your thirties. It gives rise to a fight-or-flight reflex within me wherein I invariably choose the ‘fight’ option and am cornered into making a defensive rebuke of the question-asker, while also trumpeting my single and content status—like a deer in the headlights, if that deer were slightly rabid.

I could tell you that I love living alone and being responsible for nobody but myself, I could wax rhapsodically about the unbearably tender intimacy of nurturing yourself or the astounding clarity that can sometimes come with solitude. But the truth is that being single in your thirties isn’t all self-care Sundays and group hugs with your best girlfriends and bell hooks quotes come to life. It can be frustrating, lonely and embarrassingly full of yearning. But single women of a certain age are rarely, if ever, given the space to feel the full spectrum of emotions that being unattached can inspire. There is a pop-culture push, à la Sex and the City, to trumpet your singleness as a badge of pride. Anything resembling unhappiness in single women over thirty is perceived as an admittance of guilt; a silent concurrence with the school of thought that labels you an ‘overeducated and undersexed’ member of the brigade of career-focussed women who have sacrificed lifelong companionship at the altar of personal ambition.

What lies beneath the probing questions from ostensibly well-meaning aunties and terrifying offers from friends to set you up with a degenerate cousin is that society, broadly—and Indian families, specifically—have no idea what to do with or how to react to single women. The life trajectory of a woman is so intrinsically tied to the idea of marriage within the South Asian context that a woman living her life without a man baffles the public imagination. There is a burden of expectation that comes with being a good daughter from a good family, and that expectation consists almost entirely of finding a similarly well-positioned husband and creating good little children to perpetuate this cycle of alleged goodness. There is a prevailing air of disappointment and disapproval that surrounds single Indian women in their thirties, and it is sometimes thick and putrid enough to pierce even the happiest single-by-choice bubbles of existence.

This is not to say anything of the plight faced by people who fall outside the gender binary or heterosexuality. For those who are not waiting for a “mister” at all, the task of trying to live life without bowing to the pressures of mainstream society adopts a Sisyphean quality. There is a plurality of gender and sexual identities that help weave the fabric of society, and suppressing these identities in favour of strict hetero-patriarchy not only fails those that need to be the most supported, BBCbut also quashes any hope of social progress in favour of keeping up with the Joneses.

Even for those that do fall into the narrow confines of what is socially acceptable, the path for single adult women is fraught, hostile and littered with indignities. From apartment buildings in Mumbai refusing to rent to single women (citing their alleged immorality as the cause) to the dismal statistic that working women who state their preference to continue their careers post-marriage receive 22% fewer matches on matchmaking websites or the fact that arranged marriage—which constitutes 97% of the marriages in India—creates an imbalanced power structure that favours men and allows for both the extortion of money from women’s families via dowry and the perpetuation of caste politics.

If I am told one more time to “put myself out there”, I will stage a violent revolt. Every single woman in her thirties has a Rolodex of unsolicited advice that she has received in response to her singledom. For a time following the release of Lori Gottlieb’s 2008 self-help tome, Marry Him: The Case for Settling for Mr. Good Enough, grown women could be convinced that attraction could be sacrificed in lieu of someone who “would make a good father and husband,” if that woman were “running out of time.” Although we have seemingly graduated from that enlightened school of thought, it doesn’t stop people from telling you to go on more dates or married friends asking if you have “tried Bumble” or your parents emotionally blackmailing you by referring to hypothetical grandchildren. It does not stop people from having the audacity to label you “too picky” or “too introverted” or “too opinionated” or the kind of person that just hasn’t put enough effort into The Cause.

The truth is, I would love to be set up with the right person or to have them magically glide into my life determined to present me with a happily-ever-after. I would love for a serendipitous run-in to turn into the relationship of a lifetime. I would love to swipe right and find Mr. Better-Than-You-Ever-Thought-It-Could-Be. But I am not willing to settle or saddle myself with a person who does not add love or intimacy or emotional value to my life. And I would like to spend the time between now and the moment I meet the inevitable One in peace and not languishing in shame, as prescribed by society.– BBC



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Elegant threads of tradition: Darshi Batik at Sheraton

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Surrounded by styles and smiles

As the Colombo skyline softens into golden hour “Sundown with Buddhi Batiks “at Sheraton Colombo unfolded as a seamless blend of heritage and contemporary elegance – an experience that felt both intimate and visually striking.

The evening drew a crowd that reflected the very essence of the brand it celebrated refined, creative and deeply connected with flowing silhouettes, to cultural and the quiet hum of conversation over curated cocktails.

Buddhi Batiks with Darshi Keerthisena is a label celebrated for transforming Sri Lankan batik into modern, wearable art. Her story telling through fabric where each piece reflected craftsmanship, culture, and a contemporary design language. The collection leaned into effortless elegance, resort ready kaftans, structured yet fluid dresses and statement pieces that moved as beautifully as they look. The atmosphere was electrifying. Guest sipped on delicated curated cocktails as soft music hummed in the background, creating an ambience that felt both exclusive and deeply relaxed.

More than aesthetics, Buddhi Batiks tells stores. Each motif, each gradation of colour carried a sense of place and memory.

Buddhi Batiks is proof that fashion can honour heritage without compromising on glamour, with every brush stroke of wax and every hand dyed.

The event, aptly named Sundown, was an ode to the timeless elegance of Sri Lankan craftsmanship, seamless fabrics woven into contemporary silhouettes that speak to a global sensibility.

The collection by Buddhi Batiks drew inspiration from Sri Lanka’s natural landscape, from the shimmering coastlines to the lush inland jungle, translated into vivid patterns and textures on display.

The brand celebrated Sri Lankan’s rich artistic legacy while embracing a global fashion vision.

There are designers who wear fashion and then there are designers who live fashion, Darshi Keerthisena, creative director and CEO of Buddhi Batiks, belongs to the latter. She hasn’t merely followed a family tradition. She has reimagined it, transforming Sri Lankan batiks from a cultural craft into a globally resonant fashion statement. Under Dharshi’s leadership, Buddhi Batiks has evolved far beyond traditional cotton saris. She has introduced silk, geogette and satin as canvasses for Batik, infusing pieces with contemporary silhouettes and subtle, sophisticated colour stories that appeal to international design sensibilities. Her innovations have taken batik onto global platforms.

Darshi’s innovation isn’t only stylistic, it is ethical. She has championed sustainable practises, such as digital printing on recycled textiles and eco friendly dyes, while keeping handmade batik at the heart of the brand.

Her career has been marked by accolades and awards Dharshi’s vision for batik is expansive. She sees it not just on runaway gowns or resort wear, but translated into interiors, accessories and everyday life, capable of transcending borders while keeping the soul of Sri Lankan artisan’s heritage alive.

Sheraton Colombo Sri Lanka’s most prestigious 5-star hotels with Paul Sun, General Manager and his dedicated team, [played a key role and the hotel’s assistance went beyond providing a venue, it was a seamless blend of hospitality, event management and creative support.

By Zanita Careem

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Farzana redefining power and purpose for women

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Farzana on celebrating women’s strength

Farzana Baduel stands as a powerful voice in global communication and a passionate advocate for women’s empowerment making her perspective especially relevant on International Women’s Day. As CEO of Curzon PR,in UK she has built a career defined by influence, resilience and purpose championing the advancement of women’s leadership.

(Q) How would you describe the role of women in the UK today and how does it compare to women’s role in Sri Lanka?

(A) Women in the UK today hold positions of real influence across politics, business, media, academia and the creative industries. There are strong legal protections around equality and conversations about gender parity have become mainstream. But equality in law does not always translate to equality in lived experience, particularly when it comes to pay gaps, the weight of childcare, and who actually occupies the most senior positions.

Sri Lanka presents a genuinely fascinating paradox. It elected the world’s first female Prime Minister in 1960, yet many women still face structural and cultural constraints, especially outside urban centres. What strikes me about Sri Lankan women is their extraordinary resilience and entrepreneurial spirit, often demonstrated within more traditional frameworks. That combination of ambition and adaptability is something I find deeply impressive.

Both countries are progressing. But both still have considerable work to do.

(Q) Are there areas where UK women face challenges that Sri Lankan women may not, or vice versa?

(A) In the UK, one of the most persistent challenges is what I would describe as the double burden: professional ambition sitting alongside disproportionate domestic responsibility. There is also the very modern pressure of digital culture, the weight of image, comparison, online abuse and public scrutiny that affects women in ways men rarely experience to the same degree.

In Sri Lanka, the challenges tend to be more structural. Economic instability, limited access to opportunity in rural areas, and in some cases stronger social conservatism around gender roles all shape what is possible for women. And yet extended family networks in Sri Lanka can offer something many women in the UK genuinely lack: built in childcare, intergenerational support, a community that holds you.

The pressures differ. But the underlying theme is remarkably consistent. Women everywhere are negotiating expectations that men are simply not asked to meet.

(Q) How do you define what it means to be a woman today, and have there been moments where your gender shaped your opportunities or challenges?

(A) To me, being a woman today means navigating complexity with strength. It means holding ambition and empathy in the same space without apologising for either. It means being commercially sharp and emotionally intelligent. Above all, it means resilience.

There have certainly been moments in my career where being a woman changed the dynamic in a room, particularly in senior advisory spaces involving government or corporate leadership. Early on, I sometimes had to prove competence before being taken seriously. Over time I came to understand that credibility does not come from changing who you are. It comes from deep expertise and calm authority.

Gender shapes experience. But it does not have to define potential.

(Q) How can women lift each other up in workplaces, communities and society at large?

(A) By being genuinely generous with opportunity. Sponsorship matters far more than mentorship. It is powerful when senior women actively advocate for other women in rooms those women are not in. That kind of invisible advocacy changes careers.

By rejecting scarcity thinking. There is not only one seat at the table.

And by modelling integrity. When women support each other publicly and privately, it does not just help individuals. It changes workplace cultures entirely.

(Q) Do you believe women are getting enough representation in leadership roles? If not, what needs to change?

(A) Progress has been made. But representation at the very top, in boardrooms and in global political leadership, remains deeply uneven. And the solution is not simply about recruiting more women. It is about changing the systems they are recruited into: flexible leadership structures, normalised parental leave for both men and women, transparent promotion criteria, and zero tolerance for the kind of subtle bias that is so easy to dismiss but so corrosive over time.

Representation is not about optics. It is about influence. Those are not the same thing.

(Q) What societal expectations or stereotypes have you personally encountered as a woman?

(A) The most persistent one is the idea that women must choose between warmth and authority, that being decisive risks being labelled difficult. Men are rarely subjected to that framing. A decisive man is simply a leader.

There is also the expectation that women should balance everything effortlessly, as though the juggle should be invisible. The reality is that balance is dynamic, often imperfect, and occasionally held together by nothing more than determination and strong coffee.

(Q) What challenges do women face in accessing healthcare or support, and how can society improve this?

(A) Even in developed countries, women’s health is frequently under researched and under prioritised, particularly around reproductive health, menopause and mental health. This is not a niche issue. It affects half the population.

Improvement requires sustained investment in research, workplace policies that recognise women’s health realities, and a collective willingness to remove the stigma that still clings to these conversations. Health is not a private inconvenience. It is a public priority.

(Q) Do you feel women are encouraged enough to pursue their passions alongside family and work responsibilities?

(A) The encouragement exists in rhetoric. The practical support frequently does not. True encouragement requires structural foundation: affordable childcare, flexible working arrangements, and a cultural acceptance that ambition in women is not selfish. It is not something that requires justification.

Women should never feel they must apologise for aspiration.

(Q) How do media portrayals of women impact society’s perception of them?

(A) Media shapes norms in ways we often do not notice until we look back. When women are portrayed primarily through the lens of appearance, domestic roles or conflict narratives, it quietly narrows the public imagination about what leadership looks like.

When media platforms showcase women as thinkers, strategists, innovators and policymakers, something opens up, especially for young girls who are watching and deciding, consciously or not, what is possible for them. Representation shapes expectation. That is not a small thing.

(Q) What changes would you most like to see for women in the next decade?

(A) Economic parity, not just participation. Greater support for women entrepreneurs. More women shaping foreign policy and global governance. A healthier and kinder public discourse online.

But most importantly, I would like to see confidence. Young women growing up without internalised limits, without the quiet voice that tells them to take up less space. That, more than any policy change, is what transforms the next generation.

(Q) And finally, how do you define what it means to be a woman today?

(A) To be a woman today is to stand fully in your capability without shrinking for anyone’s comfort. It is to embrace both strength and compassion, not as opposites but as complements. It is to define yourself rather than accept the definitions others impose upon you.

And perhaps most importantly, it is to leave the path a little wider for the women who come after you.

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From Hanoi to Colombo: Women leading change across borders

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Ambassador of Vietnam in Colombo Trinh Thi Tam talks about women connecting across borders

Grace, resilience and quiet determination define the women of both Vietnam and Sri Lanka, two nations bound not only by rich cultural heritage, but by the enduring strength of their women. As the world marked International Women’s Day, the interview with the Vietnamese Ambassador in Sri Lanka offers a compelling lens into how tradition and modernity intervine to shape the lives of women across these societies Women in Vietnam and Sri Lanka continue to redifine their roles, balancing family, career and ambition with remarkable pause. While their journeys were shaped by distinct histories and cultural naunces there is a shared narrative of perseverance, adaptability and progress. In this interview the envoy reflects on these parallels and contrasts, offering insight into the evolving status of women. The challenges, they face and the inspiring strides being made towards equality.

Q How would you describe the role of women in Vietnam compared to Sri Lankan women?

A Women in Vietnam and Sri Lanka share many important similarities. In both societies, women are known for their diligence, resilience, and strong sense of responsibility toward family and community. Having experienced periods of war, conflict, and economic hardship, women in both countries deeply understand the values of sacrifice, solidarity, and perseverance. They often carry multiple roles at the same time—caregivers, income earners, and community supporters. In both countries, there has been an increasingly active participation of women in the workforce, including trade, manufacturing, SMEs, as well as in the leadership. It is meaningful to recognize these shared qualities that quietly but steadily contribute to social stability and national development.

Q From your personal experience, what defines a modern woman in your country?

A From my personal experience, a modern woman is someone who strives for balance rather than choosing between roles. She values education, independence, and self-development, while remaining deeply committed to her family and social responsibilities. She is confident, adaptable, and increasingly comfortable using technology and global networks. At the same time, she respects cultural values and traditions, selecting what is meaningful rather than rejecting them entirely. Modern women today are not defined only by career success, but by their ability to manage multiple responsibilities with empathy, resilience, and purpose.

Q Have you seen a significant change in women’s roles over the past decade?

A Yes, there have been noticeable and positive changes over the past decade. More women are pursuing higher education, entering diverse professional fields, and participating actively in economic and social life. Attitudes toward women’s leadership and decision-making roles have gradually improved, especially among younger generations. At the same time, women continue to shoulder major responsibilities within the family. This dual role has become more visible and more openly discussed. While challenges remain, the growing recognition of women’s contributions—both at work and at home—reflects a meaningful shift toward a more inclusive understanding of development.

Q Women in Vietnam are often visible in trade and entrepreneurship. How does this compare with Sri Lanka?

A Women in both Vietnam and Sri Lanka demonstrate a strong entrepreneurial spirit, particularly in trade, services, and family-based businesses. Many women engage in economic activities not only for personal ambition, but also to support their families and contribute to their communities. In both countries, women entrepreneurs are known for their adaptability, hard work, and practical approach to business. While the scale and sectors may differ, the underlying motivation and resilience are remarkably similar. With better access to finance, markets, and mentoring, women in both societies have great potential to further expand their entrepreneurial impact.

Q Do you think society equally values women’s economic contributions in both countries?

A Societal recognition of women’s economic contributions has improved, but full equality has not yet been achieved in either country. Women’s income is increasingly important for household stability, yet their unpaid care work often remains invisible. Professional success is respected, but women are still expected to prioritize family responsibilities. This creates pressure to constantly balance multiple roles. It is important to acknowledge that true equality means valuing both paid and unpaid work, and creating supportive environments that allow women to contribute economically without compromising their well-being or family life.

Q Vietnam has relatively strong female participation in governance. What drives this? Why is female representation still low in Sri Lanka?

A Both Vietnam and Sri Lanka recognize the importance of women’s participation in governance, and both have many capable women leaders. Differences in representation are largely shaped by institutional structures and political culture rather than women’s ability or commitment. Where supportive frameworks, mentoring, and clear pathways exist, women are more likely to enter public leadership.

In Sri Lanka, many talented women also serve their communities in different ways, though public roles can be more demanding to combine with family responsibilities. Creating more supportive and flexible pathways can help more women step forward and share their perspectives, enriching decision-making and social cohesion.

Q What are the most pressing issues women still face today?

A One of the most pressing challenges women face today is achieving a healthy balance between work, family responsibilities, and personal life. Women continue to carry a disproportionate share of caregiving and household duties, even when they are fully engaged in professional work. Gender inequality in wages, leadership opportunities, and decision-making persists. Social expectations often require women to excel in all areas simultaneously, creating emotional and physical strain. Addressing these issues requires not only policy support—such as childcare and flexible work—but also cultural change that encourages shared responsibility and mutual respect.

Q Do globalization and social media help accelerate gender equality?

A Globalization and social media can play a positive role in accelerating gender equality by expanding access to information, markets, and role models. They allow women to connect, learn, and express their voices beyond traditional boundaries. Many women entrepreneurs and professionals have benefited from digital platforms. However, these tools also bring challenges, including online harassment and unrealistic social pressures. Their impact depends on how responsibly they are used and supported. When combined with education, digital literacy, and safeguards, globalization and social media can become powerful tools for women’s empowerment.

Q How do you see the future of women evolving in the next 10 years?

A Over the next decade, I expect women to play an even more visible role in leadership, entrepreneurship, and innovation. Flexible work models and digital technologies will help more women participate in the economy while managing family responsibilities. Younger generations are already embracing more balanced views on gender roles and shared caregiving. While challenges will remain, especially in achieving true equality, the overall direction is positive. With sustained support from institutions, families, and society, women’s contributions will continue to shape more inclusive and resilient communities.

Q What can Sri Lanka learn from Vietnam in terms of empowering women economically?

A Sri Lanka can draw useful lessons from Vietnam’s emphasis on integrating women into value chains, supporting small businesses, and linking skills training with market access. Practical support—such as simplified procedures, access to finance, and business networks—helps women move from informal activities to sustainable enterprises. Equally important is recognizing women’s economic roles publicly and socially. Empowerment is most effective when economic opportunity is combined with family support and social respect. These shared principles are especially meaningful and highlight when celebrated International Women’s Day on 8 March.

By Zanita Careem

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