Connect with us

Features

Opposite to Happiness: depression, despair, frustration

Published

on

She phones me – this young girl, my ‘talkmate’ who I speak to on the telephone to improve her spoken English – to tell me it is her birthday. I chirp birthday greetings and make it plain I am happy to chat on her celebratory day. With no attempt to camouflage her low spirits she says: “I am thirty and I have no hope at all of getting married; of having no problems, of getting a teaching post, of my family being even fairly well off. No future to look forward to.”

All this so true. She entered Peradeniya University after her first attempt at the AL exam and followed an arts course. No employment for a couple of years until she got a low ranking government job. Her monthly salary cannot be much, but with that she bears most of the family expenses of an accident injured father, rubber tapper mother and four younger siblings.

She lives with her grandparents, both disabled. She has a friend who wants to marry her, but she cannot forsake her family even to the extent of moving to live with him. Is it any wonder she was distressed and felt hopeless turning 30?

Replication of her story and her life’s path is widespread in this country of ours, common to both genders. Young men however have more avenues open to them to dissipate their desperation and in many families are cosseted by female members: mothers working on estates and sisters slaving in garment factories, for example. Thus the burden of economic instability and unproductive, poverty encouraging policies of governments have fallen squarely on the underprivileged women of the land.

Bad over here

I have no statistics at hand but surmise from conversations had with many mothers, a father and young girls in their late teens or young adults who seem to cope. But maybe they suffer desperation and a losing of faith and hope for the future, keeping it hidden to spare their families the extra burden of having a daughter teetering between wellness and desperation.

The father I spoke with – a driver – has three children: one with a degree and working in a very prestigious firm; the son in his final year – statistics and electronics; and the youngest just past her OLs who started work recently in a restaurant; her target being the hospitality trade. They had their secondary and senior secondary education in the English medium, though Sinhala, because the two girls were in a convent and the boy in an international school. They are well adjusted but have friends who show positive signs of depression and severe frustration.

Well-to-do young ones and those proficient in English are employed or proceeding with higher studies and able to cope with the pressures that are the lot of most Sri Lankans. The less privileged particularly, are adversely affected by high costs and economic travails. Over-anxious, even nagging mothers and excessive competition are other negatives that assail teens and young adults. Worst of all is that the education system has let down Sri Lankan students by not preparing them for alternatives to university entrance – very narrow and restrictive. Late marriages are the order of the day by personal choice or forced on them. The elites choose being single, enjoying greater independence.

Suicides occur among the young but much less than in former years. Young ones contain their frustration to manageable levels mostly because of the strong family system that prevails in our country. The support of the extended family is strong.

I chose this topic which is diametrically opposite to my two previous articles in this column which were on happiness, since depression and the unhappiness of frustration come inevitably to mind when happiness is mentioned. Black and white, good and bad and such like pairs float around together. An added reason for writing about depression is an article from the NYT by a much admired writer/columnist – Maureen Dowd, 1999 Pulitzer Prize winner.

Western countries

Maureen Dowd starts her article thus: “It was ‘the summer of girl power’, a tour de force by a glittering troika; pink dream houses, songs and sequins, Barbie, Taylor Swift and Beyonce buoyed the economy and sent women’s confidence soaring. So I felt sad talking to friends dropping daughters at college, to hear of rampant anxiety, campuses awash in SSRIs – serotin boosters found in drugs like Prozac and Lexapro – and long waits for therapy.” Mercifully, except for the very rich and sophisticated, therapy for teenagers is unheard of over here. Drugs are peddled in and around schools and many parents are not only wary but scared stiff with doubts about their children succumbing. However, I am sure the roaring drug trade has not ensnared too many youngsters. The govt has failed to clamp down effectively on drug devils.

Dowd continues: “Many young college women are ping-ponging between anxiety, without pills, and numbness and body insecurity. These young women seem to have everything, yet they are unable to fully enjoy a stretch of their life that should be sizzling with adventure and promise.” All the women I spoke to about happiness for my previous article, said their happiest days were school days and when in their teens. I agree. Does this hold for the present junior generation of teens and young adults?

Adolescent despair has been copiously analyzed in recent years, Dowd says, and identified as contributory and harming are social media; ‘microtargetting algorithms’ that inflame envy and conflict and divisive politics; unending school shootings; Covid sequestration; a planet devoured by flames and floods; never enough achievement and consumer culture; anxious parents and doting grandparents creating tension; “a digitally connected yet emotionally disjointed and spiritually unmoored society.”

These conditions are prevalent in this country too and parental over anxiety and competitiveness are very present and very injurious to school goers and even university graduands. Our children don’t usually rebel, unlike in the west where often parents are scared of their own kids. It is a moot point and advantageous that in our country most people profess a religion and children in the majority are at ease with being religious.

Buddhist clergy stress meditation and, following the initiative of Most Ven Uda Eriyagama Dhammajeeva Maha Thera, sathi practice (mindfulness meditation) is included in school curriculums or are extra-curricula. Religion is a firm mooring to the elderly. Many young ones too observe sil or give service at temples and meditation centres to cater to those in sil on poya days.

Covid and segregation impacted on all of us and the resultant anxiety had a lasting detrimental effect. Then stormed in effects of climate change. Continuous news telecasts and paper headlines bother us. Political news is also very disturbing. I for one have given up watching TV news in the late evening. I catch up when MTV repeats its night news the next morning at 6.30. Why? Because my sleep was horribly disturbed by parliamentary debates, politician’s pontification and protest marches. Nightmares intruded.

The Wall Street journal ran a front–page story on “The Booming Business of American Anxiety”. To quote: “A search for anxiety relief on Google pulls up links for supplements in the form of pills, patches, gummies and mouth sprays. There are vibrating devices that hang around your neck and tone your vagus nerve, bead filled stress balls that claim to bring calm.”

Mercifully we as a nation are so much more social. We speak with friends and share our fears. We are not loath to bare our fears, even neuroses. We have solid, comforting solace givers and spaces. Hence not much pill swallowing or therapy sessions. Additionally, being citizens of a poor, developing country, we have to contend with more national stresses and pressure, thus decimating the time available for wallowing in self-pity.

Women, proven from experience, get hit harder because they are more closely connected to emotions, but less affected because of relationships, nurturing natures and fraternities.

Post script

I feel I must give here what two of my friends said in reply to my questions about happiness. I list their answers under numbers 1 & 2.

Definition

: 1. Happiness is a choice: you choose to be happy or sink into negativity. Contentment is happiness. It is a sense of joy and relaxation of mind and body arising from the absence of negative emotions like jealousy, hatred, ill will.

2. There are degrees of happiness: ecstasy to contentment.

What makes for happiness?

1.True Love! To Love and to be Loved is the greatest… Love sustains Happiness.

To hold the hand of a loved one while watching a glowing sunset at December in the South, in my Motherland.

2. Happiness is a state arising from the combination of love, compassion and empathy. Happiness is a subjective emotion. What makes me happy may not make another happy.

What was your happiest moment?

1. When I was able to sell my property and have sufficient finances to share with, and care for many people in need. Some of the left over dribbles, I still love to be able to give away and lift up another … and see the smiles on some wilted faces. (She got built forty houses for the poor).

2. Motherhood – giving birth to my children brought me the greatest joy. My whole being was infused with a deep love that seemed to transcend everything else I have experienced before.

What would you like to do/happen to sustain happiness?

1. I would love to give away everything if I can….and be a silent cornerstone or support system, to unobtrusively help to lift our Nation, our magical Motherland, out of the doldrums of corruption and disunity, and help build a New Society of Peace, Contentment, Equality, and Joy. Impossible dream, some would say, but surely, I can have dreams, magical thoughts of Happiness for All, that will create Happiness for me.

2. I am happiest when I make others happy. If I can bring a smile to a person who is troubled, lonely or insecure, I am truly happy. So it is giving.



Continue Reading
Advertisement
Click to comment

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Features

The Division Bell Mystery

Published

on

Tales of Mystery and Suspense 3

The murder, in a private dining room in the house, is of a financier with whom the government was negotiating a loan. When this seemed difficult the Minister of Home Affairs agreed to lead discussions, since he had known Mr Oissel the financier when they were young. Hence the private dinner, but when the Minister stepped out for a vote, Oissel was shot just as the Division Bell rang.

The Brahms and Simon detective novels, the first of which I wrote about last week, were amongst several books by the pair that Robert Scoble gave me when I was in Australia towards the end of last year. Amongst them was another thriller of a very different sort, though that too was written and set between the wars.

Called The Division Bell Mystery, it was set in the House of Commons, the first such book I believe, and was by Ellen Wilkinson, a Labour MP who became Minister of Education in Attlee’s government after the war, having served previously as Parliamentary Private Secretary to several ministers. Her hero Robert West is also a PPS, but a conservative, and his Minister, of Home Affairs, is an old style aristocrat, not much loved by the less orthodox Prime Minister, who nevertheless needs his support on many occasions.

The murder, in a private dining room in the house, is of a financier with whom the government was negotiating a loan. When this seemed difficult the Minister of Home Affairs agreed to lead discussions, since he had known Mr Oissel the financier when they were young. Hence the private dinner, but when the Minister stepped out for a vote, Oissel was shot just as the Division Bell rang.

West was just outside the door when the shot was heard, and when he opened it saw only the dead body with a revolver beside it. The assumption that this was suicide was however challenged by Oissel’s grand-daughter Annette, who was his heir, on the grounds that he would never have killed himself. But her view was given greater credence by the Inspector put in charge of the case who said there were no burn marks on the body which would have been the case had Oissel fired the pistol himself.

Matters are complicated by the fact that Oissel’s flat had been burgled while he was at dinner, and Jenks the policeman allocated to him, who had served the Home Secretary and seemed more acceptable to Oissel than someone from the Security Service, had been killed. Matters get even more complicated when Annette says her grand-father’s notebook in which he wrote his secrets in cipher was missing.

That was found in Jenks’ pocket, and then a photographer came to West to say he had been asked by Jenks to photograph this. More worryingly for West, he finds in the Home Secretary’s drawer a few pages from the notebook with what appears to be an interpretation of the cipher.

Ellen

Overwhelmed by all this he confides in a recently created peer who knows all about the business world, who insists that they leave the house party at which they had met over dinner and discuss the matter with the Prime Minister who promptly summons the Home Secretary.

But the Home Secretary had gone to Scotland to launch a ship over the weekend, so the meeting could take place only on the morning of the Monday, when difficult questions were expected on the adjournment motion. He admits at the meeting that he had got Jenks to take the notebook, and also that he knew the code since it had been created by him and Oissel when they were young.

He thought he should resign, and even contemplated suicide, but the Prime Minister told him that that would be even worse for the government, and that he should go home to bed. The Prime Minister said that he himself would handle the question, which he did with aplomb, insisting that confidentiality was needed until the inquest. What had happened would be made clear then, he declared, leaving West and Inspector Blackit and Lord Dalbeattie what seemed the impossible task of solving the murder.

Dalbeattie had suggested that West ask a female Labour MP who was very fond of him to get what information she could from the staff. That there was some involvement there had become clear when West, going back late one night to collect a briefcase he had left in a dining room, found someone lurking in the dark in the corridor outside the private rooms. Room J, where the murder had happened, was meant to be guarded throughout by a policeman, but he had left the room having felt dizzy, and it seemed that his coffee had been drugged. West’s sudden appearance however had prevented anyone else getting into the room.

Dalbeattie decides to recreate the scene of the murder and has a dinner party in Room J on the Tuesday night, inviting West and Annette and the society hostess at whose house he had met, and also Patrick Kinnaird, an MP who was engaged to Annette, as well as the Permanent Secretary to the Home Ministry.

After coffee Inspector Blackit comes in with Grace, the Labour MP who had got the confidence of the staff, and a journalist who had also been helpful, and just as they say they think they are on the track the division bell rings. Grace jumps up and tells the Inspector that that provides the solution and they get a ladder, and sure enough find the revolver in the space where the bell is. Directed at the place where Oissel had sat, it had been primed to go off with the ringing of the bell. The waiter who had helped to set things up made clear who the murderer had been.

The reason for the murder and the confused motives of all those involved made for a fascinatingly intricate mix. But also impressive in the book were the descriptions of the isolation possible in the crowded premises of the house, the forceful characterization of the members – Grace based on the writer, the society hostess based on Nancy Astor, the first female MP – and the laid back nature of senior politicians which West realized had to change in the brave new world of high finance.

Continue Reading

Features

The challenge of keeping value-based politics alive

Published

on

Anti-migrant protests in Durban, South Africa. BBC

The current outbreak of anti-immigrant protests in Durban, South Africa is bound to have taken many a subscriber to value-based politics or political idealism quite by surprise. After all, this is evidence that despite the historic accomplishments of nation-builders of the stature of the late President Nelson Mandela it cannot be taken for granted that identity politics, including racism in its worst forms, is no more in South Africa.

At the time of this writing details are scarce on the substantive root causes of the protests but it could very well be that economic grievances, particularly on the part of the majority community in South Africa, are contributing considerably to the disaffection. Shrinking employment and material prospects are likely to figure majorly among the factors igniting the unrest.

Fortunately, the local authorities in Durban are losing no time in calling for peaceful co-existence among the relevant communities and are pointing to the vital importance of stepping-up national integration processes. Apparently, immigrants in sizable numbers from neighbouring countries are present in Durban. However, international TV footage of the protests quoted some local authorities as saying that the majority of the immigrants in some centres that housed them were not illegal migrants and had the documents that entitle them to be in Durban.

In the Durban protests the world has fresh proof of the socially divisive consequences of the gathering globe-wide economic disaffection, touched off particularly by the continuing crisis in West Asia. Going ahead, the world would need to brace for increasing identity-based unrest of the kind it is just witnessing in South Africa.

Considering that the material lot of ordinary people everywhere could only aggravate progressively, with the US and Iran showing no signs of negotiating an end to their confrontation any time soon, it will be left to the more democratic and progressive sections of the world community to initiate positive measures collectively to bring a measure of relief to the discontented.

The swiftness with which such relief will be provided would depend crucially on the importance those sections taking up these undertakings attach to value-based politics as opposed to Realpolitik of power politics.

Going by these yardsticks, Italy could be considered to be moving in the right direction. Recently Italy came to the fore in initiating the collective named, ‘Rome Coalition for Food Security and Access to Fertilizer’, which has as one of its aims the swift provision of fertilizer to economically weak African countries.

In a recent statement Italian Minister of Foreign Affairs and International Cooperation, Antonio Tajani, said that a principal aim of the project was to ensure that the farmers of Africa gained easy access to fertilizer, considering that food security is a growing concern among some of Africa’s economically vulnerable countries.

The statement went on to mention that some 30 countries hailing from the Mediterranean region, the Middle East, the Balkans as well as the FAO had been invited to join the coalition. The venture is far-seeing in that food security is main among the reasons for social discontent which in turn could degenerate into endemic political turmoil and bloodshed. Separatist violence and geographical fragmentation of countries wouldn’t be too far behind these developments, as Africa itself has often proved.

It is hoped that more G7 countries would take the cue from Italy and do what they could to ease the hardships of economically distressed countries, particularly of the global South. In these efforts they would need to break rank with the US, which is today brutally indifferent to the consequences of its policy of making ‘America First’, come what may.

Going by current developments, the Trump administration seems to be blithely oblivious to the wider, deleterious effects of its policy course in West Asia. Besides rendering Iran militarily and otherwise impotent nothing else seems to matter to Washington, as regards West Asia. This is policy short-sightedness of an extreme kind. After all, right now West Asia could be said to be sitting on the proverbial powder keg.

On the other hand, Iran is not giving the world the impression that it is doing anything constructive to get out of the policy straitjacket that it wove for itself decades ago. Rather than enter into a policy of ‘live and let live’ in relation to Israel in particular and initiate a process of reconciliation with the latter, it has chosen to operate within policy parameters that continue to damn Israel. This has put Israel always on the ‘defensive’ so to speak and prevented the opening up of space for meaningful dialogue.

That said, Israel is obliged to explore the possibilities of entering into a negotiatory process with the Arab-Islamic world that could lead to a de-escalation of tensions and bloodshed. It cannot continue to look at its neighbours through lenses that distort them as archetypal enemies who should be ‘wiped off completely from the face of the earth.’

In other words, the need is urgent for Realpolitik to give way to value-based politicks. Italy is beginning to prove that the latter approach could be pursued with some success. May be the EU and the UK could throw their weight behind these initiatives as well and establish that international politics could be refashioned on the basis of humane, civilized norms. The UN would need to be fully supportive of these moves and prove an organizational nucleus of the operations that follow.

In fact the time is ripe for people of conscience to collectively stand up on the side of peace and say ‘No’ to war and violence. Organizations such as the ICRC, the WHO and Medicines Sans Frontiers have already taken up this call. Referring to the widespread destruction of health facilities and their dehumanizing results these organizations have said, among other things, that ‘This is not a failure of the law. It is a failure of political will.’

True, ‘failure of political will’ among those powers that matter accounts for the runaway, uncontrollable nature of war and destruction in contemporary times, but more fundamentally it is a failure of the human conscience. It could very well be that the phenomenal levels to which violence and war have been unleashed today have had the effect of deadening consciences. This is a matter for urgent study and wide discussion.

Continue Reading

Features

Vesak celebrations … with Cuteefly

Published

on

Perfect for celebrations, gifts, and meaningful occasions // Gift pack

I would describe Indunil Kaushalya Dissanayaka as innovative and creative, and she operates under the name of Cuteefly.

Indunil always comes up with something novel to celebrate special occasions, and she does it with candles … and that’s her profession.

She was in the spotlight when she created a happening scene, with candles, for Christmas, Sinhala and Tamil New Year, and Valentine’s Day.

As lanterns light up Sri Lanka for Vesak, the Colombo-based candle maker is quietly turning wax and wick into little pieces of the festival.

Candles reflecting Vesak themes

Her candles reflect Vesak themes – light, peace, remembrance, giving, etc., to enable you to fill your Vesak celebration with devotion and beauty.

Among her Vesak creations is a lotus-shaped soy candle, scented with sandalwood, lavender, etc., meant to burn during this Vesak Poya Day.

Indunil Kaushalya Dissanayaka: Customers
praise her for her creativity

These handcrafted Vesak candles are perfect for offering at the temple, she says.

What makes her creations so novel is that they come in different shapes, scents, themes, and all are handmade.

What’s more, her customers have heaped praise on her for her creativity.

According to Indunil, her creations are perfect as a thoughtful gift … to bring beauty, unity, and light into every moment.

Says Indunil: “Our beautifully handcrafted Unity candles are designed with premium detail and love, making them perfect for celebrations, gifts, and meaningful occasions.”

Cuteefly, says Indunil, is available online.

Readers could contact Indunil on 0778506066 for more details.

He Facebook Page is: Cuteefly.

Handmade with love

Continue Reading

Trending