Opinion
Unbelievable…it is one year since she left us
* Appreciation
By Dr B. J. C. Perera
Specialist Consultant Paediatrician
A full year has gone by since my wonderful charismatic wife, Dr Sarojini Perera, left all of us, and this earth, forever on the 6th of December 2019. Yet for all that, it seems only the other day that I was able to hold her gently and ever so softly in my arms. The absolute and complete sense of unbearable loss and the agonising grief that was left behind by her untimely demise has not abated by even a fraction of a miniscule element; not even after a very desolate and bleak one year. Just as Richard L. Ratliff, that passionate orator and poet from Indiana, USA, so graphically described, “Time is a passing: not leaden stepping, but sprinting on winged feet. Quicksilver slipping by“. Yet for all that, the legendary healing touch of Father Time has very definitely passed me by. In point of fact, eons may pass, things may change, but memories will always stay where they are; in the heart…, for hearts never forget.
Sarojini was all of what a man could ever ask for, and even hope and pray for. From the time of developing a starry-eyed romantic liaison with her, as young doctors in the latter part of 1972, and from the day we tied the knot on the 26th of April 1975, it has been a life of perpetual love, in the form of a fulfilling commitment to each other. I have often asked her what she saw in me and her answer has always been “I saw the potential“. What she called ‘potential’ would never have borne fruit without her. Indeed, she was the proverbial wind beneath my wings, the breeze in my sails and the gust that lifted me up to the lofty echelons that I would never have been able to reach without her. She raised me up to being much more than I could ever hope to be. I was forever so strong when I was on her shoulders, literally and metaphorically. Life blessed me with her wonderful companionship for such a memorable length of time, but I do wonder in my heart of hearts, why? Oh, why…? did she have to go away, even after being with me for 44 years 7 months and 10 days. I really have no answer to that and I can only lament quietly. It only brings out the truth of the saying that the most painful tears are not the ones that fall from your eyes and cover your face, but are the ones that fall from your heart and cover your soul.
She was also a doting mother who, like all mothers, was absolutely delighted at even the smallest achievement of our daughter Manisha. But then, Sarojini was also an outright magician as a mother. Nothing ever ruffled her. Our daughter would be witness to the fact that her mother would be quite adept at turning pain into hope, hardships into lessons, calamities to optimism, and even tears into laughter. Manisha would confide in her mother, rather than in her father, ninety-nine per cent of the time. The very special rapport and the bond the two of them had was quite remarkable.
Sarojini’s staunch loyalty to her family and her total dedication to all of us was absolutely fabulous. Oh yes…, it would really surprise many that there was a kind of hidden rugged strength beneath that soft and tender placid exterior. That fantastic asset was carefully veiled in reams of the softest silk of gentleness; a very rare and exceptional blend. In fact, she was much stronger mentally than me. Whenever gloomy thoughts and setbacks tried to get her down, she just blew them away with a dazzling smile; just one of those smiles that she was forever renowned for. However, she would not hesitate to express her opinion on compelling issues and very often her enlightened views were bang on target.
The lady was eternally comfortable with life because she firmly believed that to be happy it was essential to find strength in forgiveness, hope in disagreements, security in fear, and even love in discordance. People used to say, and still continue to say, that no one could fight with her because you need two to fight, and she never ever would fight back. She was just not made that way. Despite her fame and popularity, for her ways were so very alluring and attractive to all around, the lady never felt the need for the parading of flashy and pretentious charades. Humility was her much revered forte. She preferred to be the type of person who would fit in with any type of crowd and she always managed to do it with finesse, elegance and style. It is said that a living is made in this world by what one gets. My wife was very happy with what she got in life, even me for that matter. In addition, she also made her life sublime and inspirational by what she gave to others. She generally worked for a cause and not for the applause. Her life was lived to express but not to impress. She never strove to make her presence felt but now that she is gone, her absence is felt ever so strongly and perpetually. We, her immediate family, together with her numerous friends and admirers, have felt that just to even talk or write about her in the past tense is in itself deeply distressing to all of us.
Sarojini was beautiful for the way she thought. She was beautiful for the sparkle in her eyes. She was beautiful for the way she smiled, and she was beautiful for her inherent ability to make other people smile too. Oh no…., she wasn’t beautiful for something as transitory and brittle as her really good looks, which of course she had in plenty. She was so very beautiful for the fact that she really was a serenely gorgeous person deep down…., right down to her beautiful soul; the poignant charm of her innermost loveliness. The sublime qualities that were an integral part of her nature, nurtured in her formative years by her fantastic family at Bandarawela, and the magnificent traits like compassion that she acquired as a result of her medical training, depicted her as an outstanding example of an exquisite and caring human being. She was a sunflower to all and sundry. She managed to remain as a blossoming lotus even in a sea of raging flames. Indeed, my soul-mate was somebody very special and unique. They have thrown away the mould in which she was made. However, the fragrance of her memory would live on forever.
As a doctor, she was totally loved by her patients and her colleagues. In fact, the words of two of my younger lady colleagues immediately after the demise of my wife epitomise their appreciation of her qualities. One referred to her as “one of the loveliest people that I knew” and the other referred to her as “the lovable English rose“; metaphors that described my Sarojini perfectly. During this year after her demise, the Sri Lanka College of Sexual Health and HIV Medicine, in which Sarojini was a Founder Member, Assistant Secretary from 1995 to 1997 and then the Honorary Treasurer in 2000/2001, has inaugurated an annual award in her memory for the Best Scientific Poster Presentation at their Annual Congress. The inaugural award was to be presented during their Silver Jubilee Celebration Banquet on 24th October 2020, but was postponed due to the calamity of COVID-19. In addition, the AIDS Foundation of Lanka, in which she worked as the Director – Research and Programmes after her retirement from the National Health Service, has initiated a monthly scholarship in her name for a needy child afflicted or affected by HIV/AIDS. We, the members of her family, are truly grateful to these two august institutions for those most magnanimous of gestures which would perpetuate her memory forever, without any boundaries of time.
It was Christian Dior, the celebrated French fashion designer, who once said that “After women, flowers are the most divine of creations“. My lady loved flowers and that perhaps made her to be a creation doubly divine. She may have been taken away from us physically but her sweet-scented presence lives on and tenderly lingers on around us, every single day.
In our own way, we, of her family, have tried ever so hard to portray our eternal love for her, in a gesture of zealous admiration and affection, in the epitaph that we engraved on her tombstone. It goes as:-
“Forever in our hearts”
Death leaves a heartache no one can heal,
Love leaves memories that no one can steal.
You held our hands for quite a while,
With much devotion, in your unique beautiful style.
A super lady gentle to all on her call,
Your radiant smile will be treasured by one and all.
In the words of the religion that we believe in, all human beings are made in the image of God the Almighty. This precious and exquisite person Sarojini, whose body went into extinction when she left this earth, most definitely had her soul taken into the Good Lord’s own kingdom in heaven.
In the arms of her creator, may the eternal heavenly glow shine upon her and may she rest in everlasting peace.