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Unbelievable…it is one year since she left us

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* Appreciation

 

By Dr B. J. C. Perera
Specialist Consultant Paediatrician

A full year has gone by since my wonderful charismatic wife, Dr Sarojini Perera, left all of us, and this earth, forever on the 6th of December 2019. Yet for all that, it seems only the other day that I was able to hold her gently and ever so softly in my arms. The absolute and complete sense of unbearable loss and the agonising grief that was left behind by her untimely demise has not abated by even a fraction of a miniscule element; not even after a very desolate and bleak one year. Just as Richard L. Ratliff, that passionate orator and poet from Indiana, USA, so graphically described, “Time is a passing: not leaden stepping, but sprinting on winged feet. Quicksilver slipping by“. Yet for all that, the legendary healing touch of Father Time has very definitely passed me by. In point of fact, eons may pass, things may change, but memories will always stay where they are; in the heart…, for hearts never forget.

Sarojini was all of what a man could ever ask for, and even hope and pray for. From the time of developing a starry-eyed romantic liaison with her, as young doctors in the latter part of 1972, and from the day we tied the knot on the 26th of April 1975, it has been a life of perpetual love, in the form of a fulfilling commitment to each other. I have often asked her what she saw in me and her answer has always been “I saw the potential“. What she called ‘potential’ would never have borne fruit without her. Indeed, she was the proverbial wind beneath my wings, the breeze in my sails and the gust that lifted me up to the lofty echelons that I would never have been able to reach without her. She raised me up to being much more than I could ever hope to be. I was forever so strong when I was on her shoulders, literally and metaphorically. Life blessed me with her wonderful companionship for such a memorable length of time, but I do wonder in my heart of hearts, why? Oh, why…? did she have to go away, even after being with me for 44 years 7 months and 10 days. I really have no answer to that and I can only lament quietly. It only brings out the truth of the saying that the most painful tears are not the ones that fall from your eyes and cover your face, but are the ones that fall from your heart and cover your soul.

She was also a doting mother who, like all mothers, was absolutely delighted at even the smallest achievement of our daughter Manisha. But then, Sarojini was also an outright magician as a mother. Nothing ever ruffled her. Our daughter would be witness to the fact that her mother would be quite adept at turning pain into hope, hardships into lessons, calamities to optimism, and even tears into laughter. Manisha would confide in her mother, rather than in her father, ninety-nine per cent of the time. The very special rapport and the bond the two of them had was quite remarkable.

Sarojini’s staunch loyalty to her family and her total dedication to all of us was absolutely fabulous. Oh yes…, it would really surprise many that there was a kind of hidden rugged strength beneath that soft and tender placid exterior. That fantastic asset was carefully veiled in reams of the softest silk of gentleness; a very rare and exceptional blend. In fact, she was much stronger mentally than me. Whenever gloomy thoughts and setbacks tried to get her down, she just blew them away with a dazzling smile; just one of those smiles that she was forever renowned for. However, she would not hesitate to express her opinion on compelling issues and very often her enlightened views were bang on target.

The lady was eternally comfortable with life because she firmly believed that to be happy it was essential to find strength in forgiveness, hope in disagreements, security in fear, and even love in discordance. People used to say, and still continue to say, that no one could fight with her because you need two to fight, and she never ever would fight back. She was just not made that way. Despite her fame and popularity, for her ways were so very alluring and attractive to all around, the lady never felt the need for the parading of flashy and pretentious charades. Humility was her much revered forte. She preferred to be the type of person who would fit in with any type of crowd and she always managed to do it with finesse, elegance and style. It is said that a living is made in this world by what one gets. My wife was very happy with what she got in life, even me for that matter. In addition, she also made her life sublime and inspirational by what she gave to others. She generally worked for a cause and not for the applause. Her life was lived to express but not to impress. She never strove to make her presence felt but now that she is gone, her absence is felt ever so strongly and perpetually. We, her immediate family, together with her numerous friends and admirers, have felt that just to even talk or write about her in the past tense is in itself deeply distressing to all of us.

Sarojini was beautiful for the way she thought. She was beautiful for the sparkle in her eyes. She was beautiful for the way she smiled, and she was beautiful for her inherent ability to make other people smile too. Oh no…., she wasn’t beautiful for something as transitory and brittle as her really good looks, which of course she had in plenty. She was so very beautiful for the fact that she really was a serenely gorgeous person deep down…., right down to her beautiful soul; the poignant charm of her innermost loveliness. The sublime qualities that were an integral part of her nature, nurtured in her formative years by her fantastic family at Bandarawela, and the magnificent traits like compassion that she acquired as a result of her medical training, depicted her as an outstanding example of an exquisite and caring human being. She was a sunflower to all and sundry. She managed to remain as a blossoming lotus even in a sea of raging flames. Indeed, my soul-mate was somebody very special and unique. They have thrown away the mould in which she was made. However, the fragrance of her memory would live on forever.

As a doctor, she was totally loved by her patients and her colleagues. In fact, the words of two of my younger lady colleagues immediately after the demise of my wife epitomise their appreciation of her qualities. One referred to her as “one of the loveliest people that I knew” and the other referred to her as “the lovable English rose“; metaphors that described my Sarojini perfectly. During this year after her demise, the Sri Lanka College of Sexual Health and HIV Medicine, in which Sarojini was a Founder Member, Assistant Secretary from 1995 to 1997 and then the Honorary Treasurer in 2000/2001, has inaugurated an annual award in her memory for the Best Scientific Poster Presentation at their Annual Congress. The inaugural award was to be presented during their Silver Jubilee Celebration Banquet on 24th October 2020, but was postponed due to the calamity of COVID-19. In addition, the AIDS Foundation of Lanka, in which she worked as the Director – Research and Programmes after her retirement from the National Health Service, has initiated a monthly scholarship in her name for a needy child afflicted or affected by HIV/AIDS. We, the members of her family, are truly grateful to these two august institutions for those most magnanimous of gestures which would perpetuate her memory forever, without any boundaries of time.

It was Christian Dior, the celebrated French fashion designer, who once said that “After women, flowers are the most divine of creations“. My lady loved flowers and that perhaps made her to be a creation doubly divine. She may have been taken away from us physically but her sweet-scented presence lives on and tenderly lingers on around us, every single day.

In our own way, we, of her family, have tried ever so hard to portray our eternal love for her, in a gesture of zealous admiration and affection, in the epitaph that we engraved on her tombstone. It goes as:-

 

“Forever in our hearts”

Death leaves a heartache no one can heal,

Love leaves memories that no one can steal.

You held our hands for quite a while,

With much devotion, in your unique beautiful style.

A super lady gentle to all on her call,

Your radiant smile will be treasured by one and all.

In the words of the religion that we believe in, all human beings are made in the image of God the Almighty. This precious and exquisite person Sarojini, whose body went into extinction when she left this earth, most definitely had her soul taken into the Good Lord’s own kingdom in heaven.

In the arms of her creator, may the eternal heavenly glow shine upon her and may she rest in everlasting peace.



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Opinion

Why so unbuddhist?

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Hardly a week goes by, when someone in this country does not preach to us about the great, long lasting and noble nature of the culture of the Sinhala Buddhist people. Some Sundays, it is a Catholic priest that sings the virtues of Buddhist culture. Some eminent university professor, not necessarily Buddhist, almost weekly in this newspaper, extols the superiority of Buddhist values in our society. Some 70 percent of the population in this society, at Census, claim that they are Buddhist in religion. They are all capped by that loud statement in dhammacakka pavattana sutta, commonly believed to have been spoken by the Buddha to his five colleagues, when all of them were seeking release from unsatisfactory state of being:

‘….jati pi dukkha jara pi dukkha maranam pi dukkham yam pi…. sankittena…. ‘

If birth (‘jati’) is a matter of sorrow, why celebrate birth? Not just about 2,600 years ago but today, in distant port city Colombo? Why gaba perahara to celebrate conception? Why do bhikkhu, most prominent in this community, celebrate their 75th birthday on a grand scale? A commentator reported that the Buddha said (…ayam antima jati natthi idani punabbhavo – this is my last birth and there shall be no rebirth). They should rather contemplate on jati pi dukkha and anicca (subject to change) and seek nibbana, as they invariably admonish their listeners (savaka) to do several times a week. (Incidentally, Buddhists acquire knowledge by listening to bhanaka. Hence savaka and bhanaka.) The incongruity of bhikkhu who preach jati pi duklkha and then go to celebrate their 65th birthday is thunderous.

For all this, we are one of the most violent societies in the world: during the first 15 days of this year (2026), there has been more one murder a day, and just yesterday (13 February) a youngish lawyer and his wife were gunned down as they shopped in the neighbourhood of the Headquarters of the army. In 2022, the government of this country declared to the rest of the world that it could not pay back debt it owed to the rest of the world, mostly because those that governed us plundered the wealth of the governed. For more than two decades now, it has been a public secret that politicians, bureaucrats, policemen and school teachers, in varying degrees of culpability, plunder the wealth of people in this country. We have that information on the authority of a former President of the Republic. Politicians who held the highest level of responsibility in government, all Buddhist, not only plundered the wealth of its citizens but also transferred that wealth overseas for exclusive use by themselves and their progeny and the temporary use of the host nation. So much for the admonition, ‘raja bhavatu dhammiko’ (may the king-rulers- be righteous). It is not uncommon for politicians anywhere to lie occasionally but ours speak the truth only more parsimoniously than they spend the wealth they plundered from the public. The language spoken in parliament is so foul (parusa vaca) that galleries are closed to the public lest school children adopt that ‘unparliamentary’ language, ironically spoken in parliament. If someone parses the spoken and written word in our society, there is every likelihood that he would find that rumour (pisuna vaca) is the currency of the realm. Radio, television and electronic media have only created massive markets for lies (musa vada), rumour (pisuna vaca), foul language (parusa vaca) and idle chatter (samppampalapa). To assure yourself that this is true, listen, if you can bear with it, newscasts on television, sit in the gallery of Parliament or even read some latterday novels. There generally was much beauty in what Wickremasinghe, Munidasa, Tennakone, G. B. Senanayake, Sarachchandra and Amarasekara wrote. All that beauty has been buried with them. A vile pidgin thrives.

Although the fatuous chatter of politicians about financial and educational hubs in this country have wafted away leaving a foul smell, it has not taken long for this society to graduate into a narcotics hub. In 1975, there was the occasional ganja user and he was a marginal figure who in the evenings, faded into the dusk. Fifty years later, narcotics users are kingpins of crime, financiers and close friends of leading politicians and otherwise shakers and movers. Distilleries are among the most profitable enterprises and leading tax payers and defaulters in the country (Tax default 8 billion rupees as of 2026). There was at least one distillery owner who was a leading politician and a powerful minister in a long ruling government. Politicians in public office recruited and maintained the loyalty to the party by issuing recruits lucrative bar licences. Alcoholic drinks (sura pana) are a libation offered freely to gods that hold sway over voters. There are innuendos that strong men, not wholly lay, are not immune from seeking pleasures in alcohol. It is well known that many celibate religious leaders wallow in comfort on intricately carved ebony or satin wood furniture, on uccasayana, mahasayana, wearing robes made of comforting silk. They do not quite observe the precept to avoid seeking excessive pleasures (kamasukhallikanuyogo). These simple rules of ethical behaviour laid down in panca sila are so commonly denied in the everyday life of Buddhists in this country, that one wonders what guides them in that arduous journey, in samsara. I heard on TV a senior bhikkhu say that bhikkhu sangha strives to raise persons disciplined by panca sila. Evidently, they have failed.

So, it transpires that there is one Buddhism in the books and another in practice. Inquiries into the Buddhist writings are mainly the work of historians and into religion in practice, the work of sociologists and anthropologists. Many books have been written and many, many more speeches (bana) delivered on the religion in the books. However, very, very little is known about the religion daily practised. Yes, there are a few books and papers written in English by cultural anthropologists. Perhaps we know more about yakku natanava, yakun natanava than we know about Buddhism is practised in this country. There was an event in Colombo where some archaeological findings, identified as dhatu (relics), were exhibited. Festivals of that nature and on a grander scale are a monthly regular feature of popular Buddhism. How do they fit in with the religion in the books? Or does that not matter? Never the twain shall meet.

by Usvatte-aratchi

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Opinion

Hippocratic oath and GMOA

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Almost all government members of the GMOA (the Government Medical Officers’ Association). Before joining the GMOA Doctors must obtain registration with Sri Lanka Medical Council (SLMC) to practice medicine. This registration is obtained after completing the medical studies in Sri Lanka and completing internship.

The SLMC conducts an Examination for Registration to Practise Medicine in Sri Lanka (ERPM) – (Formerly Act 16 in conjunction with the University Grants Commission (UGC), which the foreign graduates must pass. Then only they can obtain registration with SLMC.

When obtaining registration there are a few steps to follow on the as stated in the “

GUIDELINES ON ETHICAL CONDUCT FOR MEDICAL & DENTAL PRACTITIONERS REGISTERED WITH THE SRI LANKA MEDICAL COUNCIL” This was approved in July 2009, and I believe is current at the time of writing this note. To practice medicine, one must obtain registration with the SLMC and complete the oath formality. For those interested in reading it on the web, the reference is as follows.

 https://slmc.gov.lk/images/PDF_Main_Site/EthicalConduct2021-12.pdf

I checked this document to find the Hippocratic Oath details. They are noted on page 5. The pages 6 & 7 provide the draft oath form that every Doctor must complete with his/her details. Oath must be administered by

the Registrar/Asst. Registrar/President/ Vice President or Designated Member of the Sri Lanka Medical Council and signed by the Doctor.

Now I wish to quote the details of the oath.

I solemnly pledge myself to dedicate my life to the service of humanity;

The health of my patient will be my primary consideration and I will not use my profession for exploitation and abuse of my patient;

I will practice my profession with conscience, dignity, integrity and honesty;

I will respect the secrets which are confided in me, even after the patient has died;

I will give to my teachers the respect and gratitude, which is their due;

I will maintain by all the means in my power, the honour and noble traditions of the medical profession;

I will not permit considerations of religion, nationality, race, party politics, caste or social standing to intervene between my duty and my patient;

I wish to ask the GMOA officials, when they engage in strike action, whether they still comply with the oath or violate any part of the oath that even they themselves have taken when they obtained registration from the SLMC to practise medicine.

Hemal Perera

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Opinion

Where nature dared judges hid

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Dr. Lesego the Surgical Registrar from Lesotho who did the on-call shift with me that night in the sleepy London hospital said a lot more than what I wrote last time. I did not want to weaken the thrust of the last narrative which was a bellyful for the legal fraternity of south east Asia and Africa.

Lesego begins, voice steady and reflective, “You know… he said, in my father’s case, the land next to Maseru mayor’s sunflower oil mill was prime land. The mayor wanted it. My father refused to sell. That refusal set the stage for everything that followed.

Two families lived there under my dad’s kindness. First was a middle-aged man, whose descendants still remain. The other was an old destitute woman. My father gave her timber, wattle, cement, Cadjan, everything free, to build her hut. She lived peacefully for two years. Then having reconciled with her once estranged daughter wanted to leave.

She came to my father asking for money for the house. He said: ‘I gave you everything free. You lived there for two years completely free and benefitting from the produce too. And now you ask for money? Not a cent.’ In hindsight, that refusal was harsh. It opened the door for plunderers. The old lady ‘sold’ the hut to Pule, the mayor’s decoy. Soon, Pule and his fellow compatriots, were to chase my father away while he was supervising the harvesting of sunflowers.

My father went to court in September 1962, naming Thasoema, the mayor, his Chief clerk, and the trespassers as respondents. The injunction faltered for want of an affidavit, and under a degree of compulsion by the judge and the attending lawyers, my father agreed to an interim settlement of giving away the aggressors total possession with the proviso that they would pay the damages once the court culminates the case in his favour. This was the only practical alternative to sharing the possession with the adversaries.

From the very beginning, the dismissals and flimsy rulings bore the fingerprints of extra‑judicial mayoral influence. Judges leaned on technicalities, not justice. They hid behind minutiae.

Then nature intervened. Thasoema, the mayor, hale and hearty, died suddenly of what looked like choking on coconut sap which later turned out to be a heart attack. His son Teboho inherited the case. Months later, the Chief clerk also died of a massive heart attack, and his son took his place. Even Teboho, the mayor’s young son of 30 years died, during a routine appendectomy, when the breathing tube was wrongly placed in his gullet.

About fifteen years into the case, another blow fell. A 45‑year‑old judge, who had ruled that ‘prescription was obvious at a glance, while adverse possession was being contested in court all the time, died within weeks of his judgment, struck down by a massive heart attack.

After that, the case dragged on for decades, yo‑yoing between district and appeal courts. Judges no longer died untimely deaths, but the rulings continued to twist and delay. My father’s deeds were clear: the land bought by his brother in 1933, sold to him in 1936, uninterrupted possession for 26 years. Yet the courts delayed, twisted, and denied.

Finally, in 2006, the District Court ruled in his favour embodying every detail why it was delivering such a judgement. It was a comprehensive judgement which covered all areas in question. In 2015, the Appeal Court confirmed it, his job being easy because of the depth the DC judge had gone in to. But in October 2024, the Supreme Court gave an outrageously insane judgment against him. How? I do not know. I hope the judge is in good health, my friend said sarcastically.

Lesego paused, his voice heavy with irony “Where nature dared, judges hid. And that is the truth of my father’s case.”

Dr.M.M.Janapriya

UK

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