Features
Leaving aside dire problems and thinking of Sri Lankan Mothers
Cass is sick and tired, bone-weary of writing about the travails our beloved country is still going through; also disgusted of referring to some MPs and what they say
Another devious and devilish move to hide past sins is the removal of Prof. Charitha Herath and Prof. Tissa Vitarana as heads of COPE and COPA; and inclusion of Lanza, Abeygunawardena and some other SLPPers we have no trust in. Dr Harsha de Silva, who maintains his crits and his perseverance to see to the welfare of the people of this country, vacated his seat in COPE so Prof Herath could be appointed to it. We hope the chases started by him will be concluded.
The talking point of the Assembly on Tuesday was who Prez RW had lunched with in Singapore. He retorted he would present a menu of lunch he had on the plane leaving Singapore which proves he did not lunch with Arjuna Mahendran. Does showing an airline menu prove he had lunch on board and not on land? And what does it really matter? Parliament spent a full two hours throwing brickbats and avoiding them in Parliament, where the very lives of the people of the land must be debated and solutions found to dire economic problems.
Away from botherations
An article in The Island on Tuesday October 4 had a piece by Syeda Samara Mortada from The Statesman/ANN which dealt with the travails of a modern mother, privileged. I am much more concerned and worried, yes, perturbed at the travails our less privileged mothers contend with day in and day out, horrendously exacerbated by the economic situation of the country, as repeatedly harped on as caused by one ex-ruling family and their slipper lickers. That family has been thrown out mostly by the Aragalaya protests, but they cling to power off stage and even dare to be puppeteers, given leeway by the majority in Parliament of their rotten buds.
Ordinary Sri Lankan Mother
Helen Steiner Rice’s comment expresses all the thoughts I have about our mothers whether they be poor or rich: “A mother’s love is something that no one can explain. It is made of deep devotion and of sacrifice and pain. It is endless and unselfish and enduring come what may, for nothing can destroy it or take that love away”
Women who have had babies, more so those who underwent labour pains, know full well how when the new born babe is placed close to her chest and face, she forgets the pain that wracked her and vows to do the best by this little bundle of helplessness. And in most cases, it means sacrifice, which connotes to living without satisfying her needs so the child suffers not, or to the minimum. Cass is definitely not sentimentalizing the issue. Remember the Sinhala teledrama Yashoravaya, where Iranganie Serasinghe, the mother, makes do with the dankuda– rice left in the pot after having given her family their meal. This is symbolic of many a mother. Richard de Zoysa, acting the role of her son, notices this and with no word said, acknowledges her sacrifice, and feels deeply for the mother.
Another sacrifice made is of sleep. The mother is always alert to the baby’s discomfort and is wide awake at the first cry and with limitless love, tends to the child. Many a husband now share parenting of even infants. This is more so in better educated, well to do families, where some young mothers go to the extent of sacrificing careers to do the best by the child they brought into the world. Previous generations demarcated the father and mother’s responsibilities and chores. They were brought up that way: the man first in the home and breadwinning their sole task. This is a tale told by mothers of Cass time, say fifty years ago. Husbands move themselves to other rooms so as not to be disturbed by the new born babe, with the reason they go to work and need undisturbed sleep. No matter that the new mother too has to go back to her job after just six weeks of maternity leave; so short a time. The lengthening of this stay-at-home period for almost three months is a boon. So also the fillip given to breast feeding by allowing young mothers the kiri peya or one hour off their jobs both mid morning and if necessary afternoon, to go nurse their infants. It is a practice prevalent most among estate workers.
Often and very regrettably, the mother is called upon to be the bulwark between her husband and children. Very many husbands and fathers over-imbibe, a habit seen more among the less well to do. Imbibing seems to increase proportionately as income drops. Very many families, especially among the Sinhalese, suffer this great calamity. Not only is precious, all too meager incomes wasted on drink, but inebriated fathers often turn violent and use physical force on their wives and prevent children from studies and peace in the home. A lactating mother so essentially needs peace of mind and love and caring. Very often it’s her children who give her these. But frustrated kids can themselves turn insensitive, uncaring and given to evil ways.
Accepted fact is that Sri Lankan society is patriarchal, like most south and south eastern Asian countries. But take it from Cassandra and experts, our nation is matriarchal; not obviously, but most definitely. Who gets the children to school? Who directs them in education and even in professions? This is a fact right across the board of Sri Lankan families. Thus a mother’s responsibilities are greater; she is more burdened; but most bear it all, never mind necessary sacrifices, hardships, mental strain and often having to contend with easy going, irresponsible husbands. This trend is more a later 20th to 21st century phenomenon. When Cass was a child (long ago!) roles were assigned by practice and tradition. The woman of the home was a wife, mother and housewife and of course manager of finances. Stay at home too. Fathers made the decisions about children: their schooling et al. Roles are reversed now, where the woman of the house shoulders most responsibilities of home and nurturing and guiding children, while subtly and judiciously giving first place to husbands.
A further elaboration is called for here: injustice meted out by married children on their parents. When both young parents work, child caring and child minding is passed onto mothers, with retired fathers helping. This to Cass is totally unfair. The older generation bore enough trouble and sacrificed much, hence they should not be called upon to do all that parenting over again, and when they are old.
Remedies
There are really no remedies to lighten the burden most mothers have to bear, However, there is plenty of help that can be given. The government cannot even ensure sufficient food for the populace it is supposed to look after. So let it be cursed! The private sector and individual organisations should and could help more. See to mostly correct nutrition of expectant and lactating mothers. Milk was given to them at one time. Triposha and midwifery support in proper care of infants. Abandoned due to poverty of the government. Latest gimmick: go up the cursed Lotus Tower and imagine you are in heaven!! In charitable distribution of food that is continuing, nutritious packages should specially be offered to mothers and kids. These two groups are THE backbone and hope of the country, respectively.
Sarojini Naidu wisely noted: A country’s greatness lies in its undying ideals of love and sacrifice that inspire the mothers of this race. The race she refers to (India) could be changed to Sri Lankans and thus our mothers are of the greatest importance, calling for extra attention.