Sat Mag
Election reminiscences – Part II
(Continued from October 8)
The stage had been constructed under a spreading huge mara tree and the candidate breathed fire from the stage that the rights of the people have been eroded under the previous regime. “I shall face the first bullet and shall be the first to shed my blood so that you may be free!” Delirious applause greeted him. Then suddenly something fell on the table, from the tree top, with a loud ‘thwack’. With a blood-curdling yelp of terror, the speaker leapt off the stage. It turned out to be only a lizard.
While a candidate was speaking at a meeting, a member from the audience said that the candidate’s party has links with Eelamists.
The candidate then said “I do not know about my party. But I am for Eelam.” The audience was dumbstruck by his audacity. He then clarified, saying that Eelam means Sinhala and that it is derived thus,
Sinhala
Sinhalam
Seehalam
Seelam
Eeelam
The crowd roared with laughter.
***
Full of sarcasm, one speaker at an election meeting said, “The other party has been robbing you blind for the last five years, now give us also a chance.”
***
In the early 1940s, Pieter Keuneman made speeches in English. They were translated into Sinhala by H.G.S. Ratnaweera of ‘Aththa’ newspaper fame. When Comrade Pieter said ‘Oliver Goonatilleke of the vested interests’ H.G.S. translated it as “Oya Oliver Pappa kiyana Billard Thattaya.” (That bald-headed billiard called Oliver Pappa.)
***
“Sahodaravaruni! one said at an election meeting. “I have served you to the utmost for the last five years sometimes without any sleep at all.”
A member from the audience then said, “Sir! you have done enough for us, and you now need complete rest. I have therefore decided to vote for the other candidate”.
***
While a speaker was on his feet at an SLFP meeting, he saw a herd of buffaloes passing on the road. He at once broke off and looking towards the road, asked the audience whether there was a UNP meeting close by, as he could see some UNPers going to their meeting. The crowd roared with laughter.
***
This candidate was an energetic ladies man. He was going from house to house canvassing, when a mother saw him coming towards their house. She told her daughter to go inside the house, adding contemptuously, “Vassith geta ganin” (Take the cow also in).
***
Once Manori de Silva presided over an election meeting in Galle. She announced the next speaker thus, “Meelangata mage piyawana Colvin Sahodaraya katha karanawa etha.” (The next speaker is my father – Comrade Colvin). This reminds us of a Communist MP from the South, who once addressed his father as “Sahodara Piyathumani” (Comrade father).
***
Some ‘misinterpretations’ of party names can be amusing;
BLP = Biththiye Liyana Pakshaya.
LPP = Lanka Pustola Party.
UNP = Uncle Nephew Party.
Or Unge Nedeinge Pakshaya.
***
***
In the Kotte Electorate on old woman had worshipped the ballot box after voting, as she had come to know from the leftist parties, that this would be the last chance to save democracy.
***
At a polling booth, in a remote village, an elderly man had collected his ballot paper and had gone to the cubicle to mark it. As he was getting delayed to come out, the presiding officer went in to see what was happening. He had seen the voter drawing an elephant on the ballot paper.
***
Once Minister Felix Bandaranaike went abroad during a general election, “Felix has gone abroad as he is unable to face defeat at the election,” said J.R. at a propaganda meeting. But on the day of the election, Felix was back in the country. “I went abroad for eye surgery. And now I am able to fight the enemy with both my eyes,” he declared.
***
A veteran leftist politician once said at an election meeting, “Commissions of Inquiry in Sri Lanka are like the morning visit to the toilet. First there is a sitting. Then there is a little deliberation. Then there is a report. And then the matter is dropped!”
***
At an SLFP election meeting a speaker once said that the LSSP was a dead duck now and a vote for it was a vote wasted. “Sirimavo had grabbed the LSSP and raising it to the Cabinet Level, kept it like that for five years, until all the strength drained out of it and it died.”
***
At the 1977 general election, JR was keen to have two of his friends – Colvin and NM in parliament. So, he fielded two weak candidates for Agalawatta and Yatiyantota electorates. But the two UNP candidates rode on the tidal wave and both were elected with convincing majorities.
***
In the latter part of 1974, when the MP for Kalawewa died, there was a by election. And, JR said that if Anura Bandaranaike contested the seat, the UNP would not field a candidate.
JR’s ulterior motive was that once Anura is elected as an MP, he would create problems for the government by internal squabbling!
***
This story is told and re-told by the UNP speakers at their meetings. A fisherman had caught a fish and had brought it home for lunch. He gave it to his wife and asked her to make a hot curry of it or fry it. “Do you know the price of chillie, coconut and coconut oil now?” screeched the woman.
Shouting with rage, the man seized the fish by its tail, ran back to the beach and flung it into the sea. The fish then dove and came back up shouting, “Long live the United Front Government!”
***
Sir John Kotelawala was addressing a meeting in the Eastern Province and had forgotten the candidate’s name. Forgetting that the microphone was on he had asked the chairman, “May hambayage (a derogatory reference to Muslims) nama mokakda?”
***
While addressing a meeting in the Baddegama Electorate which was contested by Henry Amarasuriya and Henry Abeywickrama, he ended his speech by asking the voters to vote for Henry Abeywickrama who opposed the UNP candidate Henry Amarasuriya. Two weeks later when SWRD addressed a meeting at Baddegama he said “As the UNP leader has already asked you, vote for Henry Abeywickrama.”
***
At another meeting Sir John said that those bhikkhus who dabbled in politics should be treated as irreligious and tar applied on their backs.
***
At Galle, he said that “If Dahanayake tries his nonsense again, I will devour him.” The next day Dahanayake announced “Then at least Sir John will have a brain in his stomach.”
***
Once one J.B.C. de Silva contested an election. His opponent was. A.R.P. Perera, who put up a poster which read, ‘We don’t eat jam, butter and cheese (J.B.C.) but we love to eat Aappa (hoppers), Roti and pittu (A.R.P). J.B.C. Replied with, ‘Aachchige Redde Parippu’ (A.R.P.).
***
G.U.S.M. Silva was a candidate who had a penchant for toddy. A poster came up, which read, ‘We do not want Gus Mutti Silva’
***
D.P. de Silva lost twice at elections. Thereafter, he was called ‘Devarak Paradunu Silva’, and his opponent said that he would soon be called T.P. de Silva (Thewarak Pardduna Silva or three times loser)
***
W. Dahanayake was Vee Dahanayake in Sinhala. It was interpreted as ‘Wijjakara’ (trickster) Dahanayake .
A candidate for a general election was a notorious feller of trees for illicit timber. To highlight this and to embarrass the man, his rival candidate had a series of posters on trees along the highway.
The illicit timber feller was Silva and one poster on a huge tree meaningfully read, “Silva Apata-Api Silvata.” (Silva is for us. We are for Silva.) And right next to the tree, a smaller plant, hardly mature, bore the poster: “Loku Unahama Mamath Silvata.” (When I grow up, I shall also be for Silva).
***
During a by-election at which Kusuma Gunawardena, wife of Philip Gunawardena, contested, a speaker quoted a part of a Buddhist stanza to prove that Kusuma would be defeated at the polls, thus; ‘Kusumena Nena’.
***
One Miss Udabage contested an election. She put up an impressive poster with her photograph, together with an appeal, ‘Vote for Udabage’. Her Opponent published a counter-poster. It read ‘Our vote is for yatabage’. Some fun-loving young men also published a poster which cannot be reproduced here, as it verges on obscenity!
***
One speaker analysed Anura Bandaranaike’s name thus; ‘Attanagalle Nuthana Radalaya’. (The modern aristocrat of Attanagalla).
***
At another meeting, a speaker said that his opponent was rarely seen in the country and his initials A.C.S. stood for ‘All Countries Seen’.
In 1936, Dr. A.P. de Zoysa contested E.A. Cooray for the Colombo South seat in the State Council and Dr. Zoysa put out an impressive one-line poster which read, ‘Eeye Cooray Ada Zoysa’ (Today Zoysa, Cooray Yesterday).
***
At a by-election in the Galle District it was alleged that both candidates were energetic ladies men. One fine day a poster came up “Uuth Wala Muuth Wala, Game Walata Chandaya Denna” (Both candidates are cads, but vote for the neighbourhood cad).
***
This reminds one of the J.V.P. slogan, ‘Unuth Ekai Munuth Eaki’ (both leading parties are crooks).
Some posters that came up were:
‘Sanga weda guru
Govi kamkaru
Anura booru
Kewe piduru’
(Roughly rendered into English it describes Anura as a hay-eating donkey and brackets him with the five great political forces or Pancha Maha Balawega, which propelled the SLFP to power in 1956).
A sitting MP having retired, his son-in-law who was an ex-priest, contested the election. A poster came up;
‘Sasanaya kapu benath
Asanaya kapu mamath
Apata epa’
(We reject the nephew who ruined the Sasana and the uncle who ruined the electoral seat.)
A candidate was once asked why he was a UNPer?
He answered “I am a UNPer as my father was a UNPer and my grandfather was a UNPer.”
“Then if your father was a fool and your grandfather was a greater fool, what would you be?”
“Then I would be an SLFPer.”
***
A popular city father who belonged to the legal fraternity had a prosthetic arm. While at the polling booth, as the indelible ink was about to be applied, he dislocated the arm and it fell on the table. Then there was mayhem at the booth, ending up with the girl inking, in a fainting spell.
***
The English teacher saw the candidate, with his catchers, going from house to house. As the party came close to the classroom, where he was teaching the pronunciation of words cat! “Cat! bat! bat! Bat!,” so on. All of a sudden the teacher said “Who! who!” and the class chorused “Hoo! hoo!” and it turned in to be a big hoot.
To be continued