The ‘other’ Dayantha

‘As for man his days are numbered.
As a flower of the field, so he flourisheth.
The wind passes over it, and it is gone,
And the place thereof shall know of him no more?’

That is fate for all of us when we cross the threshold and go beyond the known world. Who knows what lies ahead? No one has come back to tell us what it is all about. All we have is hope and faith and some prospective thoughts about a better life beyond.That is the time for which we have to tally now, how we walk this planet and what merits we acquire when we are doing so. The greater belief is that the sum total would decide where we go from here.

Dayantha was a pedestrian like the rest of us. Way back in 1995 he joined with five of us that included my wife Dil who was his sister, to launch a grass-root organization called AFLAC, ‘Association for Lighting a Candle’. It had a simple purpose to help people in need, irrespective of what race they belonged to and which God they worshiped. Some years later the name AFLAC was changed to CandleAid Lanka, and it functions today as a government approved charity in Sri Lanka. There are more than a thousand volunteers spread all over Sri Lanka and abroad working with CandleAid. The recipients of CandleAid’s assistance come from all districts of Sri Lanka and they are all people who suffer the multiple burdens of poverty.

Dayantha de Mel was a pillar of this organization and gave his best effort and highly committed services to navigate AFLAC/CandleAid from its inception to his dying day in October 2022. A total of 27 long years served without any remuneration whatsoever. Not a cent was ever claimed from the organization for any expense incurred while serving as a Director of CandleAid.

He was an unsung board member among us, who painstakingly handled all the financial matters. It was his responsibility to acknowledge every cent we received as a donation and account for the very same cent that was spent to help the poor. The finances were duly audited by a reputable audit firm and presented in the annual reports of AFLAC/CandleAid giving the maximum visibility of its integrity to whoever supported us.

The spine of CandleAid was its finances, and it was Dayantha who made sure that we were credible from all angles at all times.He was born in Moratuwa and raised in a simple home by humble parents who were honest as the day that dawned. Mr David and Mrs Ethel de Mel were extremely charitable people who knew what it was to love their fellow beings and had no hesitation in sharing what they had with anyone who came to their door. That is where Dayantha learned his lessons of pure charity, the kind that is cloaked in silence.

The ‘other’ Dayantha qualified to follow in his parents’ footsteps in giving to the needy. Those who knew him closely may have seen shades of it that surfaced from time to time, mostly in hushed voices. But I know for sure that a lot of what he did to help people blew away with the wind unannounced and unheralded. What little we know of this ‘other Dayantha’ must be remembered. That is for us, but for him it wouldn’t matter as he was simply following what his mother and father showed him simply by their example.

As for CandleAid, we miss him very much, especially at crucial times when important decisions need be made. We miss his soft approaches and well calculated opinions when dealing with questionable situations to assist marginalized people. He never hesitated to voice his convictions and in the same breath to fold up gracefully if out voted. That trait in him was invaluable to us and sadly such is only perceived in his absence.

The dust settles and memories slowly fade leaving only an imprint of those who have walked with us. My fervent hope is that my reminiscent words will reach some who will recall a memory of Dayantha and snippets of interaction shared with him. He will then be back with us and be among us again.

“Yes, the wind passes over it and it is gone

The place thereof shall remember him some more”.

After all “to live in the hearts you leave behind is but surely not to die.”

Capt Elmo Jayawardena
Founder President
CandleAid Lanka