Meditation – personal reflections

I write this article on the day after the Vesak Poya, so what better topic than meditation. However, I am making this a very personal account of attempts at meditation, with no by-your-leave nor seeking my editor’s go-ahead. If you spent Vesak as it should have been, enhanced by the lockdown to family togetherness only, or for some in complete solitude, you would have listened to bana or laymen preaching on meditation. My article, as I mentioned, is the narrative of personal attempts at meditation. I am far from reaching jhanas or even becoming completely absorbed in my choice of meditation focus; but at least I continue trying. No mention here at all on benefits of meditation et al.

What a monk has said

As an introduction to my topic, I quote from Ven Homagama Kondanna Thera’s article in the centenary volume of the Servants of the Buddha titled ‘Dhamma Gems’. The venerable Bhikkhu titles his article ‘Why Meditate?’ He writes: “The Buddha gave us two prescriptions. The first is dana, sila, bhavana – which is Generosity, Virtue, and Culture and Development of the Mind. The second is sila, Samadhi, Panna which is Virtue, Meditation, leading to intuitive Wisdom. It is a spontaneous wisdom, not a result of thinking.” The Buddha gave the greatest significance to the mind and meditation.

Very early meditation

My siblings and I attended Christian schools but we had a Buddhism-impregnated upbringing at home. Mother was a regular temple goer, often to the Dalada Maligawa, and poya days saw her and whoever she could conscript – me mostly – observing sil. Her meditation then was reciting a gatha mentioning 32 body components while passing from bead to bead in her nagunawela. Meditation as we know it now was still to come, even though Ven Narada and Piyadassi Theras were sought after preachers and visitors to Kandy. However Mother, though not having meditated in the ways prescribed now, was full of sila.

A while later, my eldest sister would write to me that she and a couple of friends spent the day in a quiet corner of the Dalada Maligawa, meditating.

I was, in the 1940s and 50s, busy growing up and interested in studies and sports, then boys and fun times. Married and having children, I was a mere temple goer but instilled the Buddhist way of life to my sons. I also observed sil whenever possible, but meditation in the real sense of the term came later; and serendipitously.

Strong influence of Bhikkhuni Ayya Khema

Invited by an acquaintance to a day of quiet reflection conducted by Ayya Khema, I met Ratna Dias or rather, Ratna came up to me and extended a warm hand of metta warmness. She later told me she approved of the lively interest I took in what Ayya Khema had to say which made me ask questions. It was certainly not my piety that drew this great lady to befriend me and soon become my Kalyana mittra in its full connotation. She led me to meditation; was a friend chatting on mundane matters and also very concerned when I had worries. Through her I got into the inner circle of those who knew Ayya Khema; met her whenever she visited Colombo and stayed with Ratna.

I attended the ten day course Ayya Khema conducted in Kundasale and was seriously initiated to principally samatha bhavana – focusing on the breath. We were also invited to Parappuduwa Nuns’ Island, in Dodanduwa. A wonderful happening was the acquaintance made with the Australian ten preceptor Ayya Vayama which soon turned to friendship, with much benefit to me. At Parappuduwa, completely cut away from the world and my world of home and family, I tasted the wonder of mind-absorption for at least short periods of time,

The island close beside the Polgasduwa Island Hermitage with the Head Monk over there – Ven Piyaratana – always at hand to help the nuns and visitors to Nuns’ Island, was fortuitous. Then came the uprising of the JVP in the late 1980s accompanied by destruction and death. Young men, JVPers, would sleep nights on the Island Hermitage away from the monks’ kutis. Hence Ven Piyaratna Thera, very concerned and pragmatic, warned Bhikkhuni Khema and went ahead barbed wiring the place. Bhikkhuni Khema decided to leave Parappuduwa and return to Germany as she said she could not live against barbed wire. She had suffered the Holocaust before being sent to the UK.

Led by Lady Chrysobel Rajapakse, Irene Nanayakkara and Ratna Dias with me in tow, we formed a committee to oversee Nuns’ Island and keep it going. A Dutch nun took residence as Ayya Vayama and the Sinhala nun, Sister Dhammadinna, who had been in residence decided to move out to Ambalangoda. We went often to Parappuduwa; continued our meditation; took busloads of women seeking peace and quiet over a weekend. But having a resident nun or lay woman became an impossibility, so Parappuduwa was handed over to Polgasduwa Hermitage. It was converted to a residence for very senior and ailing and convalescent monks.

Brindley Ratwatte and his wife Damayanthi, with others, constructed and equipped a wonderful meditation centre high on a hill in Hindagala past the Peradeniya University. This was a Goenkaji centre following his method of meditation which concentrated on Vipassana; named Dhammakuta Vipassana Centre. I was employed at the time and declined joining Ratna and my sister for the first ten day course with saintly Sri Goenka and his wife. A word of command: Tell Nan not to miss this opportunity, from Damayanthi had me up there absolutely happy and actually reveling in the strict discipline to be observed.

The best was Golden Silence – no communication, even eye contact with anyone other than a teacher. Wonderful and beneficial are inadequate to describe the experience. Here I must touch on an inexplicable feeling that overwhelmed me on the third day of the retreat. I asked myself what I was doing there and planned to escape very early the next morning, scaling the high gate that was locked. I cared not for the resulting consternation but my temporary insanity was erased by the thought of the distress I would cause my sister and Ratna. Later reading biographies of meditators I was comforted by the fact that others had felt the same. The following days of the retreat were fine.

I went over to Hindagala for many more meditation courses – ten days and four. I was very fortunate in being given a generous concession. Since I was employed, by the kindness of Brindley mostly, I was allowed to join a ten day course halfway.

But as change is inevitable, nothing being permanent and life being one of jaati, jara marana (birth, aging and death) the climbing from the dormitories to the meditation hall became too much for me. However, meditation once tasted is always taken to. The Narada Dharmayatana in Colombo-7, under the leadership of Ven Chandakitti Thera conducts one day sil programmes on full moon poyas, And now it’s a new normal sil observance: locked down at home. Solitude and more time for reflection and meditation compensate. I continue trying to meditate, invariably transferring merit to those who initiated me and helped me along.