Features
Scintillating Lawyers

A Malaprop was the butt of many a joke. But he was a jolly and pleasant man, a lawyer with a successful criminal and civil practice. Like Apey George of Kandy, he is now dead, but the stories about him live on. One day he appeared in a case where his opposing counsel kept on distorting every argument he had put forward. Unable to stand it any longer, he sprang wrathfully to his feet, and addressing the Magistrate thundered, “Sir, my learned friend has got the wrong end of my stick!”
Another day he appeared for some prostitutes who had been rounded up by the police and produced in Court. As the Magistrate was about to remand them, he hastily got up and told the Magistrate: “It is not necessary to remand these ladies, Sir. They are available to the Court any time.”
In his later years, he was quite toothless, and one day he was cross examining a witness for the prosecution in a highway robbery case. In order to drive home the point that the witness’ eyesight was so poor that he possibly could not have seen what he had just described to the Court, this lawyer held up two fingers and said: “What can you see?” “I can see two fingers, and behind them a ‘Lomba,” replied the witness. ‘Lomba’ is a derogatory term for a toothless person).
On another occasion, he appeared for an accused, charged with stealing coconuts. The Magistrate found the man guilty and asked the defence lawyer whether he had anything to say in mitigation. “Yes sir,” replied the lawyer. “They were very, very small coconuts, Sir, only this much in size!” said the lawyer, demonstrating with his hands.
There was a maintenance case, and this lawyer appeared for the wronged wife. As he was pressing the claim of the wife for maintenance, her husband’s lawyer interrupted to charge that she was living in adultery with another man, and had delivered a child just a month earlier and that she had been separated from her legal husband for two years. The lawyer for the woman said he was shocked at his friend’s allegation and asserted that his client was an honourable and virtuous woman. At this the husband’s lawyer challenged the opposing counsel to ask his client whether she had delivered a child a month before.
After consulting the woman, the lawyer told the Court, “Yes sir, a child had been delivered but it’s hardly worth making a fuss about. You see sir, it’s a very, very small child, only this size!” said the lawyer, once again demonstrating with his hands.
He appeared for an accused who was charged with intimidation, but when the case came up, an amicable settlement was arrived at. As the parties were about to leave, the lawyer for the other side who was an MP at the time, sneered, “Your client should be very happy about this settlement, for if the case went to trial, things would have been very difficult for him. He is an I.R.C.” The accused’s lawyer objected vehemently to these uncalled-for remarks, and the lawyer MP challenged him to ask his client whether he was an I.R.C. or not. Thereupon the lawyer walked up to his client and questioned him, and the man confessed that he was an I.R.C. Addressing the Court, the lawyer then said, “Yes sir, he has I.R.C. after his name, which makes him a man of letters, and therefore fit to be even an MP!”
***
A cynic once remarked that a lawyer was one who instigates two people to fight in the nude and runs away with their clothes.
A doctor, a lawyer and an engineer were fellow passengers on a ship. Suddenly, the vessel hit a rock and began to sink. A lifeboat had broken its moorings and was drifting out to sea, and seeing it, the doctor shouted, “Look, look! An empty lifeboat and it’s drifting away!” “Don’t worry,” said the lawyer, “I’ll get it!” Diving into the water the lawyer swam easily and unhurriedly towards the lifeboat. “Oh, my God! Look!” gasped the engineer, pointing a frantic finger at the fearsome black fins of a school of sharks circling, ominously, the swimming lawyer. But the lawyer reached the lifeboat without mishap, climbed in and rowed back. “They didn’t harm him!” cried the engineer happily, “The sharks didn’t harm him!” “Yes” said the doctor drily, “professional courtesy!”
***
At Law College, the lecturer told his students. “When you are appearing in a murder case, if the facts are on your side, hammer them to the jury. And, if the law is on your side, hammer it to the judge.” “What if neither is on your side?” asked one student. “Then, you hammer the bloody table.”
***
There was once a criminal lawyer with a very lucrative practice, but alas, he was a wee bit absent-minded. “One day, he rose to his feet and began addressing the Court. “Your honour”, he thundered, “I know this accused very well! He has the reputation of being one of the most barefaced scoundrels and the most impudent rascals …” There was a sudden flurry of excitement and dismay at the bar table, and the lawyer’s junior tugged as his sleeve, “Sir, sir”, the junior said frenziedly, “we are appearing for the accused, not the complainant. Without batting an eyelid, the lawyer continued. “That is what everybody says about this accused, your honour, but I ask your honour, who is the man, however great and good, however honest and law-abiding, who hasn’t been, like the innocent accused here in the dock, vilified unjustly by his fellow men?”
***
I. M. Ismail (later Justice) was accorded a felicitation dinner by the Galle Bar on his appointment as a Commissioner of Assize. It was presided over by a retired Commissioner of Assize who was quite corpulent and broad of girth. The late A. Mampitiya, classics scholar and a leading lawyer of the day proposing the toast of the Chief Guest, quipped: “Gentlemen, tonight we have the honour of having ‘two’ Commissioners with us. One a Commissioner of Assize, and the other a Commissioner A-size.”
***
On another occasion the Galle Bar gave a complimentary dinner to a well-known lawyer who had reached a milestone in his long and illustrious career. This lawyer had a loud voice, and in a bad case, his modus operandi was to bowl out and shout down both opposing counsel and witnesses. Proposing the toast of the Chief Guest, another leading lawyer said, “My learned friend’s advocacy is always sound, and nothing but sound!”
A veteran lawyer, noted for his quick wit and repartee, was cross-examining a witness, a very rich and colourful personality, in a land case, when the Court adjourned for lunch. After lunch the cross-examination was resumed.
“Witness, I put it to you that you are drunk.”
“I am not”.
“I am told that you had two whiskies over lunch.”
“That’s a damn lie! I had four gins!”
“Tell me, witness, why do you drink?”
“That is my pleasure”
“But don’t you think it is injurious to your health?”
“I prefer to drink and die!”
At this, the presiding Judge, J. F. A. Soza (later Justice) then Additional District Judge of Galle, quipped, “Today, Greek has met Greek! Please carry on.”
***
The lawyer’s side in the Galle Law – Medical Cricket Match of 1972 was captained by the then District Judge of Galle (later Justice), J. A. F. Soyza. The doggerel describing him in the Law-Medical souvenir was:
‘Ye medicos beware,
Bat and bowl with care.
He’s the Captain of our team,
And though he’ll not be mean.
He’ll permit the loss
Of only the toss!’
The vice-captain of the team was George Rajapaksa, then a Cabinet Minister. The doggerel describing him was:
“Captained Royal,
Always loyal,
Glutton for runs,
Centurion more than once.
Loyal George!
Royal George!”
At a seminar in Colombo, a legal luminary said that he had once received the gift of a ceramic beer mug and on it was painted the following verse:
“Doctors do little,
Lawyers less,
Policemen and Analysts
Add to the mess.”
***
Lawyers are expected to be shrewd and quick of mind. A young man who had just passed the Bar examination was being interviewed for a job by a prestigious law firm. “What would you do” a partner asked, “if a prospective client asked you for advice on a subject you knew nothing about?” “I would tell the client,” the young man replied without hesitation, “Give me a retainer of Rs. 1000.00 and call me in the morning.” He was chosen for the job.
***
Two friends were taking a balloon ride. Suddenly, the wind dropped and the balloon began to descend rapidly. They saw a man standing in a field. One of them called out to the man: “Where are we?” The man shouted back: “In a balloon.” The questioner turned to his companion in the balloon and said with disgust, “That man is a lawyer.” The friend asked, “How do you know that?”. The other said, “Why? His answer was short, concise, accurate and utterly useless.”
***
A lawyer and a doctor were attracted to the charming girl-receptionist of the hotel where they dined. One day, before setting off on a one-week vacation, the lawyer presented her seven apples, in keeping with the familiar expression ‘An apple a day keeps the doctor away’.
***
Malapropism originated with Mrs. Malaprop, who was a character in one of Sheridan’s plays, who took astounding liberties with the Queen’s English. A client wanted to retain a certain Malaprop for a case, and went to see him one morning at his residence. Since he didn’t have enough to pay the Malaprop’s fee, the client promised to bring the balance in the evening at about five. “No, no,” said Malaprop. “Don’t come at five. At 5.00 I have to go for a murder. Come at 6.30 or 7.00. The shocked client hurried away. Not wishing to have anything to do with the Malaprop after the murder, he visited the man at about four that evening, to find him dressed in spotless white. It was then that it struck him that when the Malaprop said ‘murder’ what he had actually meant was ‘funeral’.
***
One of our most brilliant criminal lawyers was well known for the stupendous fees he charged.
When the lawyer quoted an astronomical fee, the client nearly fainted and asked him “Why so much sir?” “Well …” said the other, “that includes my junior’s fees as well.” “Sir, is a junior necessary?” “My dear man if my car gets stuck on my way to Court, who is there to push it?”
***
Justice Barber was the presiding judge at the Kandy Assize sessions. And, an interesting and a controversial case was to be heard before him. His wife, daughters and sons and same nephews and nieces were all present in Court that day to listen to it. The famous Kandy Lawyer, Cox Sproule, who came to Court, saw the judge’s family gathering and exclaimed “My God! Is this a Supreme Court or a barber’s salon!”
***
A government servant was the accused in a certain case, and when the Magistrate told him that the nature of his offence was such that he would have to remand him for fourteen days, his lawyer got up and said: “Sir, I beg of you not to remand him. My client is holding an important government post and if you remand him, he won’t be able to do the job for 14 days!”
Features
High govt. revenue and low foreign exchange reserves High foreign exchange reserves and low govt. revenue!

Government has permitted, after several years, the import of motor cars. Imports, including cars, were cut off because the government then wisely prioritised importing other commodities vital to the everyday life of the general public. It is fair to expect that some pent-up demand for motor vehicles has developed. But at what prices? Government seems to have expected that consumers would pay much higher prices than had prevailed earlier.
The rupee price of foreign exchange had risen by about half from Rs.200 per US$ to Rs.300. In those years, the cost of production of cars also had risen. The government dearly wanted more revenue to meet increasing government expenditure. Usually, motor cars are bought by those with higher incomes or larger amounts of wealth. Taxes on the purchase of cars probably promote equity in the distribution of incomes. The collection of tax on motor cars is convenient. What better commodity to tax?
The announced price of a Toyota Camry is about Rs.34 million. Among us, a Camry is usually bought by those with a substantially higher income than the average middle-income earner. It is not a luxury car like a Mercedes Benz 500/ BMW 700i. Yes, there are some Ferrari drivers. When converted into US dollars, the market price of a Camry 2025 in Sri Lankan amounts to about $110,000. The market price of a Camry in US is about $34,000, where it is usually bought by income earners in the middle-middle class: typically assistant professors in state universities or young executives. Who in Lanka will buy a Camry at Rs.34 million or $110,000 a piece?
How did Treasury experts expect high revenue from the import of motor cars? The price of a Toyota Camry in US markets is about $34,000. GDP per person, a rough measure of income per person in US, was about $ 88,000 in 2024. That mythical ‘average person’ in US in 2024, could spend about 2.5 month’s income and buy a Toyota Camry. Income per person, in Lanka in 2024, was about $ 4,000. The market price of a Camry in Lanka is about $ 133,000. A person in Lanka must pay 33 years of annual income to buy a Toyota Camry in 2025.
Whoever imagined that with those incomes and prices, there would be any sales of Camry in Lanka? After making necessary adjustments (mutatis mutandis), Toyota Camry’s example applies to all import dues increases. Higher import duties will yield some additional revenue to government. How much they will yield cannot be answered without much more work. High import duties will deter people from buying imported goods. There will be no large drawdown of foreign exchange; nor will there be additional government revenue: result, high government foreign exchange reserves and low government revenue.
For people to buy cars at such higher prices in 2025, their incomes must rise substantially (unlikely) or they must shift their preferences for motor cars and drop their demand for other goods and services. There is no reason to believe that any of those changes have taken place. In the 2025 budget, government has an ambitious programme of expenditure. For government to implement that programme, they need high government revenue. If the high rates of duties on imports do not yield higher government revenue as hypothesised earlier, government must borrow in the domestic market. The economy is not worthy of raising funds in international capital markets yet.
If government sells large amounts of bonds, the price of all bonds will fall, i.e. interest rates will rise, with two consequences. First, expenditure on interest payments by government will rise for which they would need more revenue. Second, high interest rates may send money to banks rather than to industry. Finding out how these complexities will work out needs careful, methodically satisfactory work. It is probable that if government borrows heavily to pay for budgetary allocations, the fundamental problem arising out of heavy public debt will not be solved.
The congratulatory comments made by the Manager of IMF applied to the recent limited exercise of handling the severity of balance of payments and public debt problems. The fundamental problem of paying back debt can be solved only when the economy grows fast enough (perhaps 7.5 % annually) for several years. Of that growth, perhaps, half (say 4 % points) need to be paid back for many years to reduce the burden of external debt.
Domestic use of additional resources can increase annually by no more than 3.5 percent, even if the economy grows at 7.5 percent per year. Leaders in society, including scholars in the JJB government, university teachers and others must highlight the problems and seek solutions therefor, rather than repeat over and over again accounts of the problem itself.
Growth must not only be fast and sustained but also exports heavy. The reasoning is as follows. This economy is highly import-dependent. One percent growth in the economy required 0.31% percent increase in imports in 2012 and 0. 21 percent increase in 2024. The scarcity of imports cut down the rate of growth of the economy in 2024. Total GDP will not catch up with what it was in (say) 2017, until the ratio of imports to GDP rises above 30 percent.
The availability of imports is a binding constraint on the rate of growth of the economy. An economy that is free to grow will require much more imports (not only cement and structural steel but also intermediate imports of many kinds). I guess that the required ratio will exceed 35 percent. Import capacity is determined by the value of exports reduced by debt repayments to the rest of the world. The most important structural change in the economy is producing exports to provide adequate import capacity. (The constant chatter by IMF and the Treasury officials about another kind of structural change confuses the issue.) An annual 7.5 percent growth in the economy requires import capacity to grow by about 2.6 percent annually.
This economy needs, besides, resources to pay back accumulated foreign debt. If servicing that accumulation requires, takes 4% points of GDP, import capacity needs to grow by (about) 6.6 percent per year, for many years. Import capacity is created when the economy exports to earn foreign exchange and when persons working overseas remit substantial parts of their earnings to persons in Lanka. Both tourism and remittances from overseas have begun to grow robustly. They must continue to flow in persistently.
There are darkening clouds raised by fires in prominent markets for exports from all countries including those poor. This is a form of race to the bottom, which a prominent economist once called ‘a policy to beggar thy neighbour (even across the wide Pacific)’. Unlike the thirty years from 1995, the next 30 years now seem fraught with much danger to processes of growth aided by open international trade. East Asian economies grew phenomenally by selling in booming rich markets, using technology developed in rich countries.
Lanka weighed down with 2,500 years of high culture ignored that reality. The United States of America now is swinging with might and main a wrecking ball to destroy that structure which they had put up, one thought foolishly, with conviction. Among those storms, many container ships would rather be put to port than brave choppy seas. High rates of growth in export earnings seem a bleak prospect. There yet may be some room in the massive economies of China and India.
Consequently, it is fanciful to expect that living conditions will improve rapidly, beginning with the implementation of the 2025 budget. It will be a major achievement if the 2025 budget is fully implemented, as I have argued earlier. Remarkable efforts to cut down on extravagance, waste and the plunder of public funds will help, somewhat; but not enough. IMF or not, there is no way of paying back accumulated debt without running an export surplus sufficient to service debt obligations.
Exports are necessary to permit the economy to pay off accumulated debt and permit some increase in the standard of living. Austerity will be the order of the day for many years to come. It is most unlikely that the next five years will usher in prosperity.
By Usvatte-aratchi
Features
BLOSSOMS OF HOPE 2025

An Ikebana exhibition in aid of pediatric cancer patients
This Ikebana exhibition by the members of Ikebana International Sri Lanka Chapter #262, brings this ancient art form to life in support of a deeply meaningful cause: aiding the Pediatric Cancer ward of the Apeksha Cancer Hospital, Maharagama and offering hope to young warriors in their fight against illness.
Graceful, delicate, and filled with meaning—Ikebana, the Japanese art of floral arrangement, is more than just an expression of beauty; it is a reflection of life’s resilience and harmony. “Blossoms of Hope”, is a special Ikebana exhibition, on 29th March from 11a.m. to 7p.m. and 30th March from 10a.m. to 6p.m. at the Ivy Room, Cinnamon Grand Hotel and demonstrations will be from 4p.m. to 5p.m. on both days.
Each floral arrangement in this exhibition is a tribute to strength, renewal, and love. Carefully crafted by skilled Ikebana artists, who are members of the Chapter. These breathtaking displays symbolize the courage of children battling cancer, reminding us that even in adversity, beauty can bloom. The graceful lines, vibrant hues, and thoughtful compositions of Ikebana echo the journey of resilience, inspiring both reflection and compassion.
Visitors will not only experience the tranquility and elegance of Japanese floral art but will also have the opportunity to make a difference. Proceeds from “Blossoms of Hope” will go towards enhancing medical care, providing essential resources, and creating a more comforting environment for young patients and their families.
This exhibition is more than an artistic showcase—it is a gesture of kindness, a symbol of solidarity, and a reminder that hope, like a flower, can grow even in the most unexpected places. By attending and supporting “Blossoms of Hope”, you become a part of this journey, helping to bring light and joy into the lives of children who need it most.
Join in celebrating art, compassion, and the Power of Hope—one flower at a time.
Features
St. Anthony’s Church feast at Kachchativu island

The famous St. Anthony’s Church feast this year was held on 14 and 15 March. St. Anthony, as per Catholic belief, gives protection and looks after fishermen and seafarers like me. Many Buddhist seafarers are believers in St. Anthony and they usually keep a statue of the saint in their cabins in the ship or craft.
St. Anthony died on 13th June 1231 at age of 35 years, at Padua in Holy Roman Empire and was canonized on 30 May 1232 by Pope Gregory IX.
I was unable to attend last year’s feast as I was away in Pakistan as Sri Lanka’s High Commissioner. I was more than happy to learn that Indians were also attending the feast this year and there would be 4,000 devotees.
I decided to travel to Kankesanturai (KKS) Jaffna by train and stay at my usual resting place, Fort Hammenhiel Resort, a Navy-run boutique hotel, which was once a prison, where JVP leaders, including Rohana Wijeweera were held during the 1971 insurrection. I was fortunate to turn this fort on a tiny islet in Kytes lagoon into a four-star boutique hotel and preserve Wijeweera’s handwriting in 2012, when I was the Commander Northern Naval Area.
I invite you to visit Fort Hammenhiel during your next trip to Jaffna and see Wijeweera’s handwriting.
The train left Colombo Fort Railway Station on time (0530 hrs/14th) and reached KKS at 1410 hrs. I was highly impressed with the cleanliness and quality of railway compartments and toilets. When I sent a photograph of my railway compartment to my son, he texted me asking “Dad, are you in an aircraft or in a train compartment? “
Well done Sri Lanka Railways! Please keep up your good work. No wonder foreign tourists love train rides, including the famous Ella Odyssey.
Travelling on board a train is comfortable, relaxed and stress free! As a frequent traveller on A 9 road to Jaffna, which is stressful due to oncoming heavy vehicles on. This was a new experience and I enjoyed the ride, sitting comfortably and reading a book received from my friend in New York- Senaka Senaviratne—’Hillbilly Elegy’ by US Vice President JD Vance. The book is an international best seller.
My buddy, Commodore (E) Dissanayake (Dissa), a brilliant engineer who built Reverse Osmosis Water Purification Plants for North, North Central and North Western provinces to help prevent chronic kidney disease is the Commodore Superintendent Engineering in the Northern Naval Area. He was waiting at the KKS railway station to receive me.
I enjoyed a cup of tea at Dissa’s chalet at our Northern Naval Command Headquarters in KKS and proceeded to Fort Hammenhiel at Karainagar, a 35-minute drive from KKS.
The acting Commanding Officer of Karainagar Naval Base (SLNS ELARA) Commander Jayawardena (Jaye) was there at Fort Hammenhiel Restaurant to have late lunch with me.
Jaye was a cadet at Naval and Maritime Academy, (NMA) Trincomalee, when I was Commandant in 2006, NMA was under artillery fire from LTTE twice, when those officers were cadets and until we destroyed enemy gun positions, and the army occupied Sampoor south of the Trincomalee harbour. I feel very proud of Jaye, who is a Commander now (equal to Army rank Lieutenant Colonel) and Commanding a very important Naval Base in Jaffna.
The present Navy Commander Vice Admiral Kanchana Banagoda had been in SLNS ELARA a few hours before me and he had left for the Delft Island on an inspection tour.
Commander Jaye was very happy because his Divisional Officer, when he was a cadet, was Vice Admiral Kanchana (then Lieutenant Commander). I had lunch and rested for a few hours before leaving Karainagar in an Inshore Patrol Craft heading to Kachchativu Island by1730 hrs.
The sea was very calm due to inter-monsoon weather and we reached Kachchativu Island by 1845 hrs. Devotees from both Sri Lanka and India had already reached the island. The Catholic Bishop of Sivagangai Diocese, Tamil Nadu India His Eminence Lourdu Anandam and Vicar General of Jaffna Diocese Very Rev Fr. PJ Jabaratnam were already there in Kachchativu together with more than 100 priests and nuns from Sri Lanka and India. It was a solid display of brotherhood of two neighbouring nations united together at this tiny island to worship God. They were joined by 8,000 devotees, with 4,000 from each country).
All logistics—food, fresh water, medical facilities—were provided by the Sri Lanka Navy. Now, this festival has become a major annual amphibious operation for Navy’s Landing Craft fleet, led by SLNS Shakthi (Landing Ship tanks). The Navy establishes a temporary base in a remote island which does not have a drop of drinking water, and provides food and water to 8,000 persons. The event is planned and executed commendably well under Commander Northern Naval Area, Rear Admiral Thusara Karunathilake. The Sri Lankan government allocates Rs 30 million from the annual national budget for this festival, which is now considered a national religious festival.
The Indian devotees enjoy food provided by SLN. They have the highest regard for our Navy. The local devotees are from the Jaffna Diocese, mainly from the Delft Island and helped SLN. Delft Pradeshiya Sabha and AGA Delft Island. A very efficient lady supervised all administrative functions on the Island. Sri Lanka Police established a temporary police station with both male and female officers.
As usual, the Sinhalese devotees came from Negombo, Chilaw, Kurunegala and other areas, bringing food enough for them and their Catholic brothers and sisters from India! Children brought biscuits, milk toffee, kalu dodol and cakes to share with Indian and Jaffna devotees.
In his sermon on 22nd December 2016, when he declared open the new Church built by SLN from financial contributions from Navy officers and sailors, Jaffna Bishop Rt Rev Dr Justin Bernard Ganapragasam said that day “the new Church would be the Church of Reconciliation”.
The church was magnificent at night. Sitting on the beach and looking at the beautiful moon-lit sea, light breeze coming from the North East direction and listening to beautiful hymns sung by devotees praising Saint Anthony, I thanked God and remembered all my friends who patrolled those seas and were no more with us. Their dedication, and bravery out at sea brought lasting peace to our beloved country. But today WHO REMEMBERS THEM?
The rituals continued until midnight. Navy Commander and the Indian Consul General in Jaffna Sai Murali attended the Main Mass.
The following morning (15) the Main Mass was attended by Vice Admiral Kanchana Banagoda and his family. It was a great gesture by the Navy Commander to attend the feast with his family. I had a long discussion with Indian Consul General Jaffna Sai Mulari about frequent incidents of Indian trawlers engaging in bottom trawling in Sri Lankan waters and what we should do as diplomats to bring a lasting solution to this issue, as I was highly impressed with this young Indian diplomat.
The Vicar General of the Jaffna Diocese, my dear friend, Very Rev Father P J Jabarathnam also made an open appeal to all Indian and Sri Lankan fishermen to protect the environment. I was fortunate to attend yet another St. Anthony’s Church feast in Kachchativu.
By Admiral Ravindra C Wijegunaratne WV,
RWP& Bar, RSP, VSV, USP, NI (M) (Pakistan), ndc, psn,
Bsc (Hons) (War Studies) (Karachi) MPhil (Madras)
Former Navy Commander and Former Chief of Defense Staff
Former Chairman, Trincomalee Petroleum Terminals Ltd
Former Managing Director Ceylon Petroleum Corporation
Former High Commissioner to Pakistan
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